#i know i have no room to call people weird when i literally make oc x canon shit but like

[brainz4archie]

btw if you call trans men cuntboys I think you're weird and I don't like you

[86espresso]

dancing is a dangerous game ⋆.˚ ★—ONE

(au masterlist)

SUM ; he did not 🙅‍♀️ wrap it before he tapped it

WARNINGS ; finding out that you’re pregnant, whole lot of awkward talking bc that’s what I’m best at 👍, mostly humor, zegras is jobless, fluff, oc character (readers bsf), kissing? allusions to sex, drinking, anxiety

NOTES ; first fic we ball 🙂‍↕️

WC ; 2.3k

“Your place, or mine?”

Your place or mine?

Your place or mine.

Jack Hughes wishes he was cool enough to say it the way his older brother did, but unfortunately, he was not that gifted. Matter of Quinn being more articulate and approachable.

The only times Jack actually got some was when a girl approached him, or when they were done with the whole third date thing.

Tonight, he decided he would telepathically flirt with you by staring across the room. To him, this is the most effective form of flirting. You’d have to catch his eyes eventually.

Your hair was wild, eyeliner smudged and lipstick blotted, the thrill and the alcohol had you dancing and singing and acting lively, he immediately needed to know you better.

Judging by your energy and the way you sang along to every single song made him believe you might be a fun person to hang out with outside of having you in his bed.

God, he’s already formed a false version of you in his head.

Jack winced, feeling Trevor’s razor of an elbow poking at his rib.

“Literally just talk to her, bro.”

Jack stood there blinking and watched as Trevor switched out their drinks, giving him the stronger one out of the two. He covered his rib before Trevor could bruise it again.

“Christ, don’t do that. I can’t just go up to her and talk. Look at her.”

Trevor looked. He didn’t really see much besides a pretty girl getting shitfaced. He just shrugged and made Jack chug the strong drink, ordering two more for him to push him further.

The rest of was bits and pieces in Jack’s memory. He did, indeed, get as shitfaced as you. He remembers you coming over after noticing his gaze, resting your head on his shoulder (he nearly shat his pants), taking a sip out of his shot glass boldly and telling him that you liked it. That may have been a life altering experience for him; he thanked whichever god he pleased enough to deserve this.

The alcohol messed up his memory a bit; but he remembers your lips on his neck in the cab, his lips on your hipbones, and the warmth of your body close to his right before he drifted to sleep.

And now, it’s morning. He’s cold, alone, heavily disoriented, and doesn’t know his own name.

He realized he doesn’t know your name either, and came to the disappointing realization that you hadn’t even left a note with your number before making your departure. With a frown, he realized he would probably never see you again.

[•••]

“There again? I thought you’d give up by now, buddy.”

Jack knew that Trevor knew that he was borderline desperate to meet you again, but it still made him indignant; he did not need to call him out.

“I just think it’s a fun place, Z. Doesn’t mean I’m going there for someone specifically.” He busied himself with the chips aisle, looking for the one weird flavor he’d been wanting. He could feel Trevor’s eye roll at the back of his head.

Yes, it’s been two goddamn months since that night.

Yes, he’s been suspiciously frequenting the bar since then.

No, there is no correlation between those events and you.

Trevor opened his mouth again, but that’s when they heard two voices arguing in the aisle next to him. Jack turned around and raised a brow at Trevor, a silent invitation to eavesdrop. He, of course, took the bait.

Now, when Trevor and Jack say they hate drama, they mean they hate being involved in it. Other people’s drama, however? They’re watching like hawks.

“Winnie, I don’t want to hear about it anymore.” Female. Familiar.

“But it’s only fair.” Female. Unfamiliar. “It’s that man’s fault his condom was too big either way! Plus, if he’s the fath—”

“The condom was too small of anything—”

At that moment, Jack moved a little too close to the rack of salsa dip, and rattled it hard, loudly enough for the ladies to pause their conversation. He cussed under his breath, hoping they would assume he just got there. He tried to ignore Trevor’s attempt at stifling his laugh.

“Excuse me? Are you alright?” You turn around the corner, and of course: It’s you, and Jack is elated.

He looks genuinely happy. You look like you just watched someone get skinned alive.

You immediately turn around, trying (and failing) to pretend like you didn’t see him. “Oh my god—Winnie, this is the guy. Save me.” You whisper desperately, watching Jack quickly fix the salsa dips in the corner of your eye before he turns to you fully.

“You—uh.” The words just won’t come out.

Trevor tried to save him. “Hi, im Trevor.” He sticks out his hand which you take. “You must be my one night stand-in law.” He grins.

Your eyes shift between him and Jack. “You’ve slept with him too?”

His hand goes limp in yours as Winnie graciously snorts with laughter. Luckily, that catches Trevor’s attention and he moves to greet her.

Jack decided, in that moment, that he just short circuited seeing you in sweatpants and a hood covering your head with strands of hair peeking out to frame your bare face. A contrast to when he first saw.

“Well, h-how have you been?” You ask awkwardly, wishing you could drop dead right about now.

“Pretty good. Yourself?” He leans gently against the shelf and crosses his arms, looking down at you with a small smile.

“Oh, I’ve been alright.” You laugh weekly and bring your hand up to rub your tired eyes; sleep was a privilege nowadays. You were about to indicate that you had to leave before stopping short at Winnie glaring holes in the side your face, knowing that your chances of escaping were gone and she wouldn’t let down until you told him. Winnie smiled warmly and turned to Jack, sticking her hand out.

“You must be Drew.”

“Jack.” He furrowed his eyebrows, shaking her hand. “That actually sounds nothing like Drew—”

“Oh, fuck, don’t worry about it, it was just a random name we ran with.” You laugh again, fiddling with the boxes in your hands.

Jack desperately wanted to say something like ‘you’ve talked about me?’ but it was clear that you were trying to avoid him like the plague, so he refrained from ruining his chances to talk to you any further.

Winnie whispered something to Trevor which made his eyes comically widen, then they pretended to busy themselves with the shelves of chocolates.

“You look nice.” Jack smiled, you really did look pretty. Tired, probably a little sick, but pretty. “Like, glowing-”

“Jesus, please, not a glow.” You groan, putting your face in your hands. Jack’s gaze drops to the boxes you were holding.

“What are those?”

Your breath caught in your throat. Him noticing was the final nail to the coffin. It made your situation real-er than ever.

With a supportive glance from Winnie, and a deep inhale, you look at Jack again. Into those pretty, azure eyes that drew you to him in the first place.

“Pregnancy tests?” You say meekly, though it sounded more like you were asking. You hated how weak it sounded. “Look I don’t even know if I even am pregnant—”

The salsa dip rack shook again as Jack held on to it. “Oh—”

“Listen, look,” you move closer to him, “you can literally never see me or the kid, if it exists, ever again. I’m financially stable and I have lots of friends here that support me, so—”

“Wait, you’re sure it’s mine?” His voice felt like an echo to himself.

“Uh—yeah. That’s part of the reason I left, I’ve never exactly done one-time things. And I only knew you for that one night, so I kind of panicked. Being with a stranger.” You fumble with the boxes again, your anxiety peeking because even though you shouldn’t care, his lack of response was stressful.

He seemed to notice that, because next thing he was putting both of his hands on your shoulders. It was weird but made you feel a little calmer.

“Hey—it’s not like I’m upset with you or anything, okay? I—uh, think you—we should first make sure you are pregnant.” He loosens his hold a bit and steps closer. “And if you plan on keeping it, I want to be there. For you and the kid, I mean. Stick around, y’know? I can’t imagine life without my dad.”

His sentiment made you heavily emotional; this was kind of intimate for people who barely knew each other, but intimacy is how you ended up here anyway.

You sniffle, nodding. You weren’t exactly sick, but you weren’t feeling your best.

Jack felt his heart go soft and he hugged you, enveloping you in much needed warmth. When you wrapped your arms around him, you caught Winnie’s eye over his shoulder and were sure of a few things;

One, If you were having a baby, you’re keeping it. You’re still young, but you’ve always wanted to be a young mother, even if it was with a father you knew better. Your support system was very fortunately intact, even without Jack.

And two, you were sure that Jack would keep his promise of ‘sticking around’.

[•••]

“So, like, what do you do?” Jack’s head snapped up to meet Winnie’s sharp gaze.

The four of them had just walked into your apartment and you locked yourself in the bathroom with the tests. Winnie and Trevor hit it off immediately but she was still skeptic of Jack.

“Hm?”

“Your job? Wait, don’t tell me you don’t—”

“I have a job.” Jack rolled his eyes “I play.” He replied shortly, his head still spinning.

“Play? Fuck does that mean? Like poker, the guitar, or what?” Winnie squinted her eyes. “If I catch anything weird about you, you’re out.” Jack didn’t miss the way Trevor grinned stupidly at her.

“I play hockey. Professionally. Just 20 minutes away, in Jersey.” Jack huffed, he didn’t like the added stress of appealing to your best friend.

“Hm. Interesting, can’t say I’ve ever heard of you, Drew—”

“Jack—”

“Hold on.” She typed something on her phone and turned it to him. “Is this you?” It is Jack’s instagram profile, so he nods. She scrolls through his following and quirks a brow, “your following looks like you just graduated from a private, all-girls high school.”

Jack doesn’t even know what to say to that, much less what it means, so he just stays quiet before the bathroom door unlocks.

“Winnie, 3 minute timer, please,” you say, drying your hands on a towel, eyeing the five tests lined up on the counter face down. You squeeze your eyes shut, feeling the anxiety crawl back up your spine.

You let yourself relax at Jack’s soothing back rubs, and observe quietly for a moment while he scowled at whatever Winnie and Trevor were making fun of him for. His jawline is just barely peppered with stubble and he smells really nice. You can see why he was the choice that night.

Jack is quick to look back at you, having to tilt his head slightly downwards as he catches the expression on your face.

“It’s going to okay,” he mouths.

And when you flipped over every test to see that you had a real life shit-machine growing inside of you, you believed him.

[•••]

Jack got off the phone with his mother with a small breath of relief. The hundreds of insecurities that initially made their way through his head were overshadowed by a feeling of happiness; his mother was quick to assure him that it won’t be that difficult to figure it out.

Winnie was kneeling in front of you on the couch, trying to be comforting. Or something like that.

“Kill that thing.”

“Winnie, what the hell?”

“Babe, you have work! You have other things to do! And—” she lowered her voice, “—Drew might not be around that much to help.” She straightened again. “If you really want to keep it then it’s up to you, though.” She added softly.

You appreciated Winnie’s outlook on your situation, but that wasn’t what you needed because you were really, genuinely, sure you were keeping the kid.

“For the third time, it’s Jack. Why—?”

“I’m sorry, she’s just like that.” You speak up, finding the small frown on Jack’s face rather endearing. “What—uh, what did your mom say?”

“She wants to meet you. She’s happy.”

“That’s really sweet.” You say with a yawn, exhausted from the days events. Jack’s mother seems nice, but you were too tired to feel scared of her at the moment.

Jack notices that you were tired and nudged Trevor so they leave, but not before everyone exchanged numbers.

[•••]

The next available weekend Jack’s mom could come over was in two weeks. Which meant he had to keep the little secret from everyone around him. Well, except Trevor.

Jack could feel himself already growing protective of his..son? daughter? Still, it was just insane to him that he was going to have a child. His own child.

He can handle the scrutiny, but he was afraid for you and how you would have to deal with all of the outside pressure.

He shrugged off the thoughts, chugged the rest of his beer, and decided to just sleep on it.

Waking up after a good rest, Jack realized he was more excited than anything. Who cares what people say? He’s always wanted kids and off the top of his head, he doesn’t know anyone better than you that he would have them with.

He’ll just have to be really impressive and devoted to gain your trust.

And that’s what he was going to do.

[squarebracketsmileyface]

I know this wasn't the main part of your last ask. However. I so feel having a bajillion aus for one technical au. I personally call it either tree or branch method.

Cuz it starts out as one and then splits, and then again and again and again. And yeah if you draw it out it eventually kinda looks like a tree or a system of branches.

Like I have one au that has 11 different sections from branching off. Technically 4 different endings but how they get there changes the au greatly.

(just ask my partner I literally cannot stop making a "wait but what if this was different" au's for one singular au.) (so so many /gen)

I could've probably sent this as a message but oh well. Enjoy! Also I love birdie with my whole heart and soul!

Tree/branch method makes so much sense as a name, that's brilliant. Doesn't make it easier to keep track of them all tho lmao, there's so many 💀 I love all of them tho. Like, I can never throw an idea away.

Also the fact that so many people love Birdie is the best fucking thing to me. Like fuck yeah people love my weird little freak of a child oc who knows far too much about insects and unsettles everyone by staring at them too hard while reciting a million bugs facts to them. I love her lmao.

Idk if I've mentioned this anywhere outside of like, DMs with people, but Birdies love for insects means she ends up having a pet tarantula when she's a teenager, I think we named him Stripe? (I think? I think I talked about it with pianofirepirate but I can't find it cos it was a while ago), anyway, Birdie just, didnt think to tell her friends her new pet was a spider so they come over to see her new pet whose name is stripe and they're expecting a cat or something normal, and then its very much not a cat and they're just like what the fuck?

Also Tim is fucking terrified of that tarantula and I just love the idea of him going I to her room to give her a hug and kiss goodnight and just fervently not looking even in the vague direction of the spiders tank/habitat/whatever you keep spiders in lol

[itsthecherryontop]

Adrenaline Rush (Billy Hargrove)

Scene from Chapter Two of my Billy Hargrove Slowburn Enemies to Lovers Fic

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Henderson OC (Halle)

Chapters Posted: 23/49 UPDATES WEEKLY

Sighing in relief, I turned out of the study room and gathered my things. There were ten minutes of lunch left and I needed fresh air. I walked my way to the bleachers lining the football field and took a deep breath of the cold air. I should have listened to Dustin and stayed home. I was too tired to deal with any more Upside Down shit today. Every muscle in my body was aching to get on my bike and ride away from there, but I knew I couldn’t leave Steve alone in class after what just happened. 

Sitting on the cold metal I pulled out the sandwich I had packet. I wasn’t even very hungry, but it was better than sitting there with shaking hands. Slipping my headphones back on I laid down, watching the clouds pass. Maybe I could just sleep through the next period. If I didn’t show up Steve would leave to search for me and we could both skip. 

The smell of a burning cigarette wafted through the air, instantly causing me further disinterest in my food. Sitting up on my elbows I looked for the sources. Leaning against the wall at the far of the school were Billy Hargrove and Tina smoking. Hearing Tina force a loud laugh at something the blond said through my headphones was the deciding factor that it was my cue to head inside. 

Finding my seat next to Steve, he looked over at me like he wanted to talk about the scene at the library, but knew he couldn’t. Placing a forced smile on my face that I hoped was reassuring I addressed him, “It will be fine. Nancy’s smart she won’t do anything. Especially not if it puts people she cares about in danger.”

“I know. I’m just worried about her,” he confessed with a heavy sigh. 

“I am too, but like you said. We are gonna go to that party and have a good time. We will be stupid normal teenagers.”

“Yeah, stupid teenagers. I can do that. Am I still driving you?”

“Well, I don’t plan on biking there.”

As I exited the building, I grabbed my bike and rode over to the middle school. As the younger students rushed out of the door, I searched the faces for my brother and his friends while I approached the bike racks. After the crowd had thinned out slightly, four boys emerged in Ghostbusters costumes. 

“Hey, you guys ready to go trick or treating?” I asked as they approached. 

“We were the only ones dressed up today,” Dustin complained as he reached for his bike. 

“Last year everyone dressed up,” Lucas added. 

“There is nothing wrong with that. It just means everyone else is a loser,” I replied trying to make them feel better. “I don’t even have to see anyone else's costumes to know that you guys had the best costumes. I mean you guys are the fucking Ghostbusters what is cooler than that?”

“My mom’s here. I’ll see you guys later,” Will stated before walking off as we called our goodbyes.

“No, everyone made fun of our costumes,” Mike snarked and we started pedaling home. 

“Yeah, even the new girl,” Dustin commented. 

“Well fuck them! It doesn’t matter what they say cause it’s not true. I bet all those other kids wanted to wear their costumes today too, but you know why they didn’t? Cause they were scared. Scared of what other people would think of them. And when they get older they are going to regret living for what other people want and not doing what makes them happy. You got that? But you guys did what you wanted and that makes you braver than all those other shitheads,” I ranted. “Who cares if they think you are weird or a freak?! Do you think a normal person could have fought literal monsters? I mean look at you, you are the bravest kids I have ever met. And if they can’t see that then they can go fuck themselves. You guys are badass fucking monster killers!”

The boys laughed as we made our way down the road, passing trees of changing colors. Spread out across the right lane the boys discussed why everything changed that Halloween. At the sound of an engine, I turned to see a car speeding toward us. 

“Guys?” I called, trying to get the boys' attention. Seeing that the car wasn’t slowing down I tried again screaming, “GUYS! GET OFF THE ROAD!” The boys started frantically pedaling faster. “TO THE SIDE!”

One by one the boys crashed into the side of the road with shouts. Seeing as I was behind them I had to pedal faster so I would land further up than where they landed not wanting to hit them. Lord knew running into them at that speed would cause some serious injuries. My bike skitted out from under me as I reached the shoulder just before the car passed. Landing hard I slammed into the ground rolling until I hit a tree trunk. Looking down the road I saw the car speeding away.  Even at just a glimpse, I knew that car, a blue Camaro, belonging to none other than Billy Hargrove. 

Pushing my palms against the ground I lifted myself off the ground. My eyes watered at the sting of pain I felt. 

“Shit,” I cursed sitting up. “Are you guys okay?�� 

Looking over at them they all looked fine. It didn’t look like they had a scratch on them. They seemed busy discussing MadMax who was probably siblings with that mullet-headed psycho.  Looking down I could see all the damage done. My jeans were completely torn open on my right leg revealing scraps covering most of my leg. I could already tell I would bruise on my arm from where I landed on my bike, which also happened to leave a cut. Lastly, I could feel my face was fairly beaten up from hitting the ground. 

“Holy shit!” Dustin shouted as he ran toward me, followed by Mike and Lucas. 

“Are you okay?” Mike asked. 

“Will you be able to walk? Your bike is wrecked,” Lucas exclaimed. 

“I swear to god I am going to take Steve’s bat to that car. That psychotic asshole should have his fucking license revoked,” I seethed trying to stand up. 

“So that must be Max’s brother driving then,” Dustin suggested. 

“Are you sure you can walk the rest of the way home? You don’t look okay,” Lucas worried inspecting each of my injuries. 

“I’m sure it looks worse than it is. Plus, I am not letting you leave me alone out here.”

“We will walk with you and you can hop on the back of my bike if you need. We still have a few miles to go,” Mike offered, picking up my bike to hand it to me. 

“Thanks. You guys are good kids.”

The walk home was extremely tedious. Just the two miles left took an hour and 20 minutes versus the normal 15-minute bike ride. As soon as we entered the door Dustin rushed me to the bathroom to get the first aid kit. I was glad my mom wasn’t here to fuss over every scratch. Deciding it would be easier to shower before treating the wounds, Dustin left for his room. 

Stripping my clothes off ended up being far more painful than I had initially thought. The blood had started to dry on my leg and arm causing the fabric to stick to my skin. After one of the worst showers of my life, I inspected the extent of my injuries in the mirror. There were traces of redness along most of the right side of my body. One of the worst consequences of fair skin: bruising easily. My torso survived pretty much unscathed, with my legs taking the worst of the heat. My face had scraps along my cheek temple and jaw, which was going to bruise. 

Reaching for the rubbing alcohol, I tried to mentally prepare myself for the pain I was about to cause myself, knowing I would likely cry either way. Eventually, I just gave up and called Dustin in to pour the bottle over my leg. It would take too long to use a rag and I couldn’t bring myself to dump the bottle over the open cuts even after much self-convincing. Thank god, Dustin didn’t have the same reservations as he emptied half the bottle over my thigh. He did apologize profusely after I spent the next minute and a half cursing with watering eyes. 

After covering any open wound as best as I could. By the time I departed the bathroom, it was already 6. Steve would be picking me up in 45 minutes. Changing into my costume, I made my way to the kitchen. 

“You’re still going?” Dustin asked getting ready to leave to meet his friends.

“I already told Steve and Nancy I would go. It’s a big deal for them. They need a night to be normal teenagers,” I responded grabbing leftover pasta from the fridge. “And as you can see I am still standing. It takes a lot more to kill me than some dumb teenage boy.” 

“Are you sure you will be okay? You were pretty hurt. The adrenaline might not have worn off yet.”

“It’s been two hours. I am pretty positive the adrenaline has worn off. I bandaged it all myself and you helped me disinfect it so there is nothing to worry about. Plus, I will be with Steve and Nancy, so go have fun and bring me back some candy.”

“Okay. Just be careful.”

“I always am. Love you,” I shouted as he closed the door. 

Finishing up the rest of my reheated pasta, I cleaned my plate finishing just as I heard the horn of Steve’s car. Climbing into the backseat, both passengers turned to me in concern. 

“Halle, what happened are you okay?” Nancy frantically asked.

“Teenage boys suck at driving so I fell off my bike racing to get out of the way, but I’m fine. It is all surface wounds. I’m patched up and good to go,” I explained. 

“Are you sure you don’t just want to stay home? I’ve been in enough fights to know your face is going to bruise,” Steve tried to soothe. 

“Look I iced my face already. There is nothing else I can do right now and I would rather not sit at home alone until my mother comes home and helicopters over me because I got a little scraped up.  Plus I think it adds to my costume don’t you think? Dead or tortured Indiana Jones is way more original.”

“Okay, but if it starts hurting a lot tell me and I will take you home. Deal?” Steve negotiated. 

“Yeah, that sounds fair,” I agreed as he turned, leaving only Nancy facing me with a tight-lipped smile. 

There were already cars lining Tina’s driveway as pulled up to her house. I was already starting to dread my decision to come. Slowly exiting the car I followed the couple inside. The party had barely started and the inside of the house was crowded and hot. 

Hanging around the edges of the party we talked, well more like Nancy and Steve talked while I played the third wheel. Glancing around I decided I would never host a party. There was toilet paper in the fan and empty cups and other trash abandoned on the floor. Tina had signed herself up for a serious clean-up tomorrow. 

“I invited Jonathan,” Nancy announced to me. 

“I doubt he will come. He doesn’t like parties and he is in charge of watching Will tonight,” was all I responded. 

I was far more social than Jonathan and even I didn’t normally show up to parties. I would rather be with my brother and his friends than here as lame as that seemed. I just didn’t do well with small talk. I didn’t have any interest in a hangover tomorrow. Nor did I want some moron’s beer breath in my face or his hands on my body. I had no reason to be here other than for my friends and the fact I like dancing. 

“Do you guys want to dance?” I asked hoping I would be spared from dancing without them. When they shook their heads no, I realized I was either going to have to solo it or suffer alone all night. “Okay, well come find me when you plan on leaving I guess.”

Making my way to the kitchen I grab a small amount of what I have no doubt is a strongly spiked punch. Downing the near-pure alcohol substance I make my way around the room until I find someone I know well enough. Before I could get far I heard someone call my name. Turning around I came face to face with Tina.

“Halle? Is that you?” She asked looking over me. 

“Yeah, the one and only,” I responded. 

“I’m surprised you came. You aren’t really known for your appearance at parties.”

“What can I say I heard it was going to be a great party. I love your Madonna costume by the way. You look amazing.”

“Thank you. I went all the way to the outlet mall a few towns over to get the right pieces for it. You certainly went all out with your costume. Indiana Jones right? The facial makeup for the injuries is incredible. How long did that take you?” she asked lifting her cup to her mouth. 

“The scraps I got falling off my bike earlier but the bruises and blood are all fake. You’d be surprised with how far a little eyeshadow and food coloring can get you in the fake injury world,” I joked.  

After a few songs, which luckily Tina joined in on, I went back over to Steve and Nancy, who were still near the wall. As I approached them I started regretting leaving the dancefloor as Shout at the Devil came on. 

“Are you guys gonna dance or mope? It’s a party. Stupid teenagers remember?” I encouraged. 

“Dancing sounds like a great idea,” Steve began to say, as chanting began outside. Steve’s eyes narrowed in on something across the room and I followed his gaze. “For fuck’s sake.” I heard Steve mutter as Billy set his eyes on Steve and made his way over. 

“I am too sober to deal with this,” I declared walking back to the kitchen with Nancy in tow. 

“What’s in this?” She asked a boy in a toga standing next to the punch bowl. 

“Pure fuel!” He yelled. 

I simply shrugged as Nancy grabbed a plastic cup. Grabbing my own I placed a small amount within it and downed it trying to ignore the burn of my esophagus. Nancy however always ambitious, downed half a cupful. As Steve suddenly appeared suggesting she slowed down. She quickly brushed him off and pulled me towards the dancefloor.

 Looking at the interaction between Steve and Nancy, I had a feeling I was missing something. Either way, something was going to give and it was not going to end well. 

Nancy and Steve seemed to ignore whatever it was, so I decided to not bring it up. Whatever it was could wait for tomorrow. Tonight was for normalcy. Feeling the light buzz and the Blondie song blaring through the speakers, I spun and swayed to the beat singing the words. It didn’t matter who was watching, the lights were bright, and the house loud enough to muffle the fears that whispered in my mind. For the first time in what felt like months, I didn’t have to worry. 

Throwing my head back I laughed, feeling free. Why didn’t I attend parties more often? I felt like a bird spreading its wings for the first time after living in a cage. The desert getting its first rain of the year. The sun finally peeking through the clouds after a harsh winter. 

After Nancy downed her third drink, I needed some fresh air. Excusing myself I stepped into the backyard, which had calmed down since Hargrove’s keg stand. Sitting down on an empty chair with a glass of water I leaned back and looked at the stars. At the edge of Hawkins, the stars were always easier to see, being farther away from the town lights. My mind stilled like ripples in a pond as I caught my breath, still riding the after-dancing high. 

Finishing my water I headed back inside looking for a bathroom. Making my way back to the dancefloor, I searched for Nancy and Steve. Figuring they would join me I entered the mass of bodies, turning my body to the rhythm, dancing with random people. 

After a few songs, I pardoned myself from the boy I was dancing with in search of my friends. When I didn’t find them outside or anywhere in the house I started asking random people. 

“Harrington? He left with Wheeler after a fight, well more like he left alone and Wheeler left with the Byers Perv,” Tommy bragged overhearing me ask Nicole. 

I could feel my face drop as I absorbed his statement. They wouldn’t just leave me, would they? They know I don’t have any other way home. 

“Wow, Henderson. Why the long face? Don’t tell me they were your ride?” Tommy teased. When I didn’t answer he laughed. “Oh shit! Did they really leave you? Bummer. Knarly costume though.”

“Thanks, Tommy,” I said as I walked away. 

Looking at my watch it was already eleven. Heading upstairs to where I saw a phone, I pushed past the stumbling bodies. Grabbing the phone I dialed Steve’s number knowing his parents weren’t home. When he didn’t answer I tried again. On the third call, I heard the phone connect. 

“Steve-” I began before I heard him disconnect the phone. Knowing he left the phone off the receiver so it wouldn’t ring again, I slammed the phone down releasing a strangled scream.

 Almost everyone in this house was far too intoxicated to drive, so I would have to walk the 5 miles. Downing another serving of punch, I grabbed a water bottle and practically shoved my way out the door ramming into anyone in my way. Sure enough, Tommy was right. Steve’s burgundy BMW was nowhere to be seen. 

The road was dark as I walked on its edge. The further I walked the more I realized how tired I was. My body started aching the further I walked and being surrounded by the woods didn’t help my mentality. Every ounce of freedom I had felt at Tina’s vanished. I could practically hear the scraping of my self-created cage bars as they rose from the ground locking me in. 

If I died out here I would spend the rest of eternity haunting the shit out of those two. I don’t care what happened, I would never have deserted them at a party without a ride home. Especially after the events of last year. 

Is this how Barb felt? No, I mean I only left her to get snacks. I mean I was unaware of the Upside Down and less than 100 yards away. She was alone for five minutes tops. They left me alone for five miles. I mean did they not care about me? Sure I felt like an afterthought sometimes, but they at least tried to include me. God, being the third wheel sucked. I mean even Jonathan didn’t try to make sure I had a ride, but then again he likely thought Steve would take me home. This has got to be one of the shittiest days of my life. 

I wish I at least had my Walkman, then I could overwhelm the eerie noises in the woods. Taking off my hat I swung it at my side. My feet were already starting to hurt, these combat boots were not broken in enough for this. Looking down at my watch, it showed I hadn’t even been walking for half an hour. I wasn’t even walking fast enough for my normal pace due to the aching in the right side of my body. Headlights shined behind me as I turned. Stepping off the road to avoid dying from drunk drivers, I watched as the car sped past me at an illegal speed. In fact, every car that passed was speeding far too fast.

I was going to kill Steve Harrington when I saw him tomorrow. Who leaves a teenage girl to walk home alone in the dark in the middle of nowhere? This is how I end up dead in a ditch and on the news for some vicious crime. I did not want to be the next victim of a Black Dahlia type of murder. 

The more I thought about it the angrier I got. I mean what kinds of friends do that? I just wanted to punch something. Stopping my march, I released a scream until my lungs were empty and my throat was raw. Collapsing on a patch of grass to the side of the road a sob escaped my lips. 

“Was I not worth caring for?” my mind whispered. “Would they even miss you?”

Dustin would. Dustin would always miss me. He was probably worried, I thought peeling my shoes from my feet to reveal bloody blisters on my heels. Tying my boots together I placed them over my shoulder as I stood whipping tears from my eyes. My socks scruffed against the cold pavement as I shuffled along. 

Maybe I should have asked Tommy for a ride. Sure he was a little drunk, but he would have driven me. Even if he didn’t want to Carol would have made him. At least then I had a chance of making it to town before sunrise. Hell, I should have just gone to Tina and asked her if I could just crash in a spare room for the night. She would have understood. I would have offered to help clean tomorrow if I needed to. 

 Drinking a sip of my water I checked the time again. It was nearly one in the morning and I still had at least another two miles. 

At the snap of a stick in the woods to my right, I froze, heart pounding, desperately looking for whatever was lurking in the shadows. Straining my eyes I couldn’t make out anything. Rationally I knew it was probably a mouse or raccoon maybe even a coyote, but my mind was already set on a Demogorgon lunging at me. When the leaves shuffled I bolted and my mind collapsed. 

I was right back in Hawkins Middle School running from the Demogorgon while carrying El. I could hear the screams of the Hawkings Lab employees behind me. The tearing of their flesh, breaking of bones as it caught them. Lured by the smell of blood from dead bodies, the monster’s calling card. The echos of their useless gunfire bombarded my eardrums leaving a ringing. The lights flickered as the air chilled. Digging my heels deeper I pushed faster. I could feel my socks tearing, the soles of my feet being shredded by the rough pavement. The shoes falling off my shoulders, forgotten in my wake. The hat and water bottle slid from my grasp as they fell to the ground behind me. 

My lungs screaming for the air I couldn’t breathe fast enough. Tears streamed from my face filling my eyes until I couldn’t see. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t stop. 

I could feel my steps get slower no matter how hard I screamed for them to keep up. My knees weakened until they buckled and I collided with the pavement. Automatically I clenched my eyes shut and curled upon myself as I hit the ground. Sobbing, a scream erupted from my throat as I prepared for razor teeth to rip into my skin. When the impact never came I opened my eyes to find myself alone in the middle of the road. There was no sign of a Demogorgon anywhere. What was wrong with me?

Unable to pick myself up I wept until I threw up, continuing to dry heave until I thought I was gonna pass out. I was so tired I wanted to lay down right there. I didn’t even care if someone ran me over. Maybe whoever came would see me and take me to the hospital. Everything hurt. 

I nearly fell over again when I eventually tried to stand. My feet were so scrapped I was leaving bloody footprints. My scrapes had reopened and I could already tell I created new ones. At an even slower pace, I dragged myself home. I thought about simply giving up and curling onto the grass or against a tree for the night, but Dustin would be worried. Mom would be furious if I was out all night. 

By the time I made it to the house, it was almost three. The streets were completely empty, which is probably a good thing as I looked like I had stepped out of a horror film.  Reaching the front door it was locked, and the key under the mat wasn’t there. I knew I didn’t leave my window open, so I knocked on Dustin’s. After a good five minutes of hard banging, he appeared. 

“Why the hell are you back so late? Where were you?” He hissed in the dim shine of his nightlight. 

“The door is locked and the key is gone,” I forced out as my as I could with the little remnants of my voice. 

“Well come in,” he ordered pulling his window open further open. 

Placing my hands on the window seal I tried to haul myself up, only to cry out. “I can’t. You’ve gotta open the front door.” 

“Are you drunk?”

“No, I barely had anything and it was hours ago.”

“Fine, I’ll open the door,” he grumbled leaving his room. 

As he opened the door he followed me back into the house announcing he was going back to bed. Entering the bathroom I bathed for the second time that day and cleaned my wounds. We would have to buy more rubbing alcohol at this rate. 

I was noticeably far worse than I had been earlier that day. The bruises had begun to develop color along my legs, arms, and face. As soon as I crawled into my bed, after downing a cup of water and ibuprofen I was out. 

I woke up that morning to a scream from my mother. Pushing myself out of bed I limped out into the entryway where my mother was yelling at Dustin 

“Is that blood? Do you think it is funny to scare me like this? You are gonna clean this up before you go see your friends,” she shrieked pointing at the trail of bloody footprints I had forgotten to clean up last night. 

“No, I didn’t do that. It’s pretty genius I have to hand that to Hal-” Dustin cut off as he saw me there. The color slightly draining from his face. 

“Sorry, that is my fault. I forgot to clean them up, ” I lulled too sore and tired to say much else. As soon as my mother's eyes caught on me she stopped with widened eyes, slowly approaching me with outstretched arms as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. 

“Oh, my god. My baby. What happened to you? Who did this? You know you can tell me. Oh, my poor baby. How could someone do this to you?” she cried hovering her hands over my arms afraid to hurt me. 

“I crashed on my bike, Mom. I’m fine.” 

“Oh honey why don’t you get in the car and I will take you to the hospital to get you looked at.”

“I already disinfected them and covered them. I was extra careful. I really just want to sleep. I am so tired, Mom.”

“Are you sure?” She asked. When I nodded she sighed, “Okay, I will make you your favorite for breakfast. How about that? I will head to the store right now. Dustin watch your sister please.”

Frantically she gathered her purse and keys. She was definitely going to come home with lots of snacks and first aid materials. As the door closed behind her Dustin stared at me until we heard her car pull out of the driveway. 

“What happened? Don’t even try to pull that shit that it was only a bike crash that you pulled with Mom. I know you didn’t look this bad after you crashed,” Dustin demanded more seriously than I had ever heard him. 

“I fell,” I stated as I began returning to my room. I could hear Dustin follow me as I entered my room. He stood at my door as I struggled to lie in my bed. “I’m tired and I had a really shitty night can you please let me sleep?”

“Do you promise to tell me later?” He bargained. 

“Yes. If anyone calls tell them I am sick.” With that, he left me to fall into a dreamless sleep in the safety of my room. 

“Halle. Halle, baby. You gotta wake up,” Mom instructed presenting a plate of eggs benedict. 

“Thank you,” I smiled with heavy eyes taking the warm plate.

“I was thinking that I want you to take the old Volkswagen when you are ready to go to school again. Taking you and Dustin, okay? I don’t want you riding your bike when you are still healing. If you are responsible, you can continue to drive it once you are better. That means no more instances like before. If Hopper even mentions you speeding you will lose car privileges again, understood?”

“Yes.”

That night I couldn’t sleep despite being tired. My mind kept flashing back to how I was positive a Demogorgon was chasing me. There had been nothing there, my brain simply decided it would play a Halloween prank on me and got lost in it. It felt like I was losing my mind. My brain lost the line between reality and fiction. 

Slowly I made my way to Dustin’s room, who was asleep at this time. Making my way to his bed I gently shook him awake. 

“What?” he replied half asleep. 

“Can I sleep in here? I’ll sleep on the floor. I just really don’t want to be alone right now,” my voice was still rough from the previous night breaking off at random places. 

“You can’t sleep on the floor. You won’t be able to get up. We will just sleep in your room,” he offered standing up and grabbing his pillow and blankets. 

Silently he settled onto the floor next to my bed. I stared at the ceiling as Mews jumped on my bed and curled up against my legs.

“I think there is something wrong with me. I’m losing it. I can’t tell what is real anymore,” I confessed. “I thought I was being chased by a Demogorgon last night, but there was nothing there. It was like I was right back in the middle school that night. I could hear those people from the lab, their screams, and their bullets. The sound of the Demogorgon. But I was all alone… there was nothing there.”

“Maybe it was your mind trying to protect you. Maybe there was something even if it wasn’t from the Upside Down.”

“But what if there wasn’t? What if it happens again, and this time in front of others? What if I am going crazy?”

“Then the rest of us will go crazy with you,” he stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I suppose he was right. We had all been through the same event. It would only make sense that we all suffered lingering effects the same.  “I found a new species yesterday.”

“You did? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I named him D'Artagnan. I call him Dart for short. I think he is some kind of terrestrial pollywog. I’ll show you him tomorrow and maybe we can get some books from the library.”

...

Dart was the most disgusting creature I had ever seen. It wasn’t the fact that he didn’t have eyes or that he looked like a slug, but the slime. The mucus coating was cold, sticky, and smelt bizarre.  I am all for animal protection, but if Dustin wasn’t obsessed with Dart I would have flushed him down the toilet. So I went along with it.

Continue Reading: archiveofourown.org

[eteru-roses]

Incorrect quotes!!

idea courtesy of @nrcbookclub

ocs featured: @castaway-achlys @rubysandviper @inotonline @the-possum-of-rsa

Incorrect quotes

1.Rida: What are you drinking? 

Atamai: Vodka. 

Rida: Straight? 

Atamai: No, gay. Why?

❀

2. Rida: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it. 

Rida: And I started thinking. 

Rida: Like, it was just trying to get food. 

Rida: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck? 

Atamai: Are you ok?

❀

3.Castor: The stars are so beautiful... 

Atamai : They're just giant balls of gas. 

Castor: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then- 

Atamai : And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you. 

Castor: Oh...

❀

4.Castor: I fell— 

Atamai : From heaven? 

Castor: No, I literally fell— 

Atamai : In love with me the moment you saw me? 

Castor: MY ARM IS BROKEN! 

Atamai : Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.

❀

5.Atamai : I’d kill someone if you asked me to. 

Castor: I’m pretty sure you’d kill someone even if I didn’t ask you to.

❀

6.Atamai : I want to kiss you. 

Castor, not paying attention: What? 

Atamai : I said if you die, I wont miss you.

❀

7.Castor: Look, I know we don’t always see eye to eye but— 

Atamai : Thats because your too short to do so. 

Castor: ...Listen here you fucking—

❀

8.Castor: You use humor to deflect your trauma. 

Atamai : Awww, thanks- 

Castor: That’s not a good thing. 

Atamai : All I’m hearing is that you think I’m funny.

❀

9'.Atamai , holding a box of Lunchables: Ah, I loved these when I was your age… fine dining. 

Rida : Fix yourself.

❀

10.Atamai : Do crabs think people walk sideways? 

Rida : ...Atamai , what the hell.

❀

11.Rida : I'm gonna nickname my child "Lil Bitch". 

Atamai : I see you're passing on your name.

❀

12.Rida: You call it "really bad at darts", I call it "freestyle acupuncture." 

Bartender: ...I'm going to have to ask you to leave the bar.

❀

13.Atamai : Wow, they really hate us. 

Castor: Yes, perhaps they’re homophobic. 

Atamai : But we’re not gay, Castor. 

Castor: 

Atamai : 

Castor: We’re not?

❀

14.Rida: You've been given a new job to do, but I'm worried it might make you angry. 

Atamai :  Just say it quick, like ripping off a band-aid. 

Rida: You have to teach Ck how to drive. 

Atamai : ...put the band-aid back on.

❀

15.Ck: I think we should have glow stick juice injected in our bones when we're born, so if we break our bones, we get a fun little surprise. 

Atamai : What's the surprise? 

Rida: Blood poisoning.

❀

16.Store Worker: Would a “Atamai ” please come to the front desk? 

Atamai , arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem? 

Store Worker, pointing to Rida and Ck: I believe they belong to you? 

Rida and Ck, simultaneously: We got lost. 

Atamai : I didn’t even bring you guys here with me—

❀

17.castor walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: atamai , I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK. 

atamai , sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

❀

18.Jamil: I want to be like a caterpillar. 

Chiyo: Explain. 

Jamil: Eat a lot, sleep for a while, wake up beautiful. 

C.K.: You know they have a lifespan of a week, right? 

Jamil: 

Jamil: That's just another highlight!

❀

19.C.K.: *very seriously* You need to stop doing weird things to cope with the stress. Going outside might help. 

Atamai : I went to the park today. 

C.K.: There you go! I hope you got something from that. 

Atamai : *opening their coat* This duck.

❀

20.Jamil: The path to inner peace begins with four words… not my fucking problem.

❀

21.Jamil: Thought I was meowing back at my cat for the past hour, but it was just me and Chiyo meowing at each other from different rooms in the house.

❀

22.Jamil: Why is there blood everywhere? 

Rida: I may have aggressively poked someone with a knife. 

Jamil: You stabbed someone?! 

Rida: No, no. I aggressively poked someone with a knife.

❀

23.Rida: Want to hear a hard riddle? 

C.K.: Sure. 

Rida: A rooster laid an egg on a roof. Which way did it roll? 

C.K.: ...down? 

Rida: N- 

Jamil: Who cares about which way it rolled, it would be scrambled eggs by then. 

Rida: 

Rida: No, it's that roosters don't lay eggs... Jesus Christ...

❀

24.Chiyo: How do you know how to kiss? Like who teaches you? 

Jamil: Well it’s actually a class, but unfortunately it’s full right now. 

Jamil: Would you like me to tutor you? 

Rida: That was smooth.

❀

25.Chiyo: Hey, Rida? 

Rida, playing a video game with the squad: What? 

Chiyo: Can I share something with you from earlier today? 

Rida: Wh- what is it, Chiyo? 

Chiyo: Well, I sent you a text early in the morning. 

Rida: Mhm. 

Chiyo: Because I have to go out of town for a weekend this month. And, so I was like- I won't give specific dates, but I was like, do you have any preference whether I go this weekend or the next weekend? 

Rida: Yeah? 

Chiyo: Your response. 

Rida: *trying not to crack up* 

Chiyo: At 9:30 in the morning. 

Chiyo: "motherfucking Jesse Eisenberg jesus Christ motherfucking Facebook movie jesus can you believe this shit" 

Rida: *laughing* 

Chiyo: No- no- no punctuation. Random capitalization. 

Rida: You just made me dieeee... 

Chiyo: So I respond, "I have no idea what we're talking about right now." 

Chiyo: 45 minutes pass. I get a text from you. 

Chiyo: "goddamn created Facebook and fucking lawyers and shit right fucking winklevoss twins goddamn rowing the boat fuck yo shit i cant even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck Jesse eisenberg man" 

Rida: *wheezing with laughter* 

Chiyo: I respond "Rida, you're scaring me." An hour passes- 

Chiyo: You respond, "motherfucking spiderman Spiderman you put in the time fuck put in the time motherfucking built shit with his bare hands fucking best friend shit jesse eisenberg" 

Chiyo: "im very tired" 

Rida: *struggling to breathe* 

Chiyo: And- and I'm just like, "No- no worries, Rida, I'll- I'll do most of the talking at the hangout today-" 

Chiyo: IMMEDIATE, like, response, like I'm talking 5 seconds later, 

Chiyo: "no man ill just talk all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit I have to say about the Facebook movie fuck dude I just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Jesse Eisenberg man he fucked over Spider-man crazy Winklevoss twins rowing Trent Resin or did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented Facebook I don't like dying I can't think of who the fuck invented Facebook All I can think is who played the guy who invented Facebook who the fuck invented Facebook" 

Chiyo: And then, in all capital letters, two hours later, 

Rida: *falling over with laughter* 

Chiyo: "MARK ZUCKERBERG."

❀

26.Atamai : Time sensitive question how flirt boy. 

Jamil: Throw rocks at he. 

Rida: Hot Dogs. 

Chiyo: Kill him. 

Atamai : Thanks guys.

(^when he was trying to confess to castor)

❀

27.Atamai : When you work at lush and a customer comes in and bites the soap because they think it’s cheese... this happens way more frequently than you think. 

Jamil: If you stopped literally presenting soap as deli food this wouldn't happen. 

Atamai : Who goes into a bath store and thinks something covered in glitter is cheese? 

Chiyo: Who goes to the store and just takes a bite from the cheese?

❀

Have fun giggling. i numbered them so you can talk about which are the funniest :3

rida is very chaotic and in fact has criminal records(arson)

[daydream-the-demon]

How do I even bring up I may be autistic with my mom 😭

Like we don't even talk with each other.

So it would be extremely weird if I came up to her and started a conversation.

I NEED TO GET CHECKED FOR AUTISM SO BADDD I CAN'T HANDLE IT BECAUSE PRACTICALLY EVERY SYMPTOM MATCHES UP AND MY AUTISTIC FRIENDS SAY I ACT VERY AUTISTIC AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

Bruh, I just do not know how to confront my mom about it because:

"You can't be autistic! It's a passing fad for autism to be cool, it's not that."

"Just because you do some things similar to your autistic friends doesn't mean you are autistic."

"And what will you gain out of knowing if you're autistic or not?"

"You are a good kid, you are smart and capable of doing anything. It is impossible for you to be autistic, that is only for those who are not capable and need major support."

"You're just looking for an excuse."

"And you said before you were thinking of suicide-"

And a lot of other negative responses to expect.

My problem is that I don't want to say directly to her, "Hey I may be autistic." But I want another person (with proper backing and experience), not involving me, to go up to her and talk to her about it for me. So that one day my mom could be like, "Okay well, you're experiencing symptoms of autism and so we want to get you checked for that." And for it to finally be over with.

A lot of the kids are just like "Why are you being/trying to be weird" and I just say "I dunno, I'm not trying to be weird, this is how I like to act. I dunno." And Like I'm not trying to act weird as I say, I just find it fun, and also apparently it can be a type of autistic masking too.

I have a lot of autistic friends, and only one of them said "No, I don't see it." And he's my best friend that I knew for a long time. And I'm worried I'm just making up excuses and that I'm not autistic and so on. It would be such a money-waster.

Because of this, I ended up taking some autism tests for fun of course, and literally pretty much all of them said "Yeah you have a lot of autistic tendencies." It said that 26 and above score autistic people at about 75%, and 32 and above for autistic females which was like 90% (I'm biologically a female), and I scored 36.

Autism test one

Autism test two

Autism test three

And I know these tests are not conclusive, but c'mon??? What are the chances? And on the internet, I have autistic friends I vent to, and we both go "YO? SERIOUSLY, EXACTLY, SAME-" And it's almost I can't believe how pin-point it is.

And I can relate to things in the DSM-5.

My mom always described me as "being different" "unusual" or "weird" or something.

I met my first autistic friend last year, I just came up to him and said "Hey! You look like an OC I have! Let's be friends!" And that's that. I'm pretty good at having friends. But I do have things.

I once had a meltdown, I cried on my first day in 6th grade until I got a nosebleed because there was too much noise, too many people, and too much everything and my mom had to send me home.

I once had a meltdown this year where a friend of a friend wiped something on my shirt. I ended up throwing a sandwich at her that I was midway through eating and then cried so hard in the corner. The teacher came up to me like, "Are you okay? It seems like it's something you did because of household problems." And I just didn't know how to respond and just said, "It's just this lunch."

I can't get jokes. My step-dad would be like "You're acting like a monkey!" or called me "Anna Banana" (back then before I became genderless with the name Alex) when I was younger and I would get so mad at him to the point I was so serious about it, it made me genuinely upset and I would always tell him to stop. Finally, it stopped but oh wow this was a big problem for me.

I can never read the room, once my English teacher was like "Interesting weather we're having." And I went on about the weather for a very long time. And he made a whole speech to the class about how "When I say 'interesting weather we're having,' I don't mean for it to turn into a whole conversation."

Sensory issues? I didn't wear socks until I was like 8 or 9 and was forced to start wearing them. I can't handle bras so I just don't wear them. And I still don't wear underwear (I wanna get boxers if anything, I can't stand underwear and it's always so uncomfortable). I am quite picky with the things I want to eat, wear, and have.

I was always weird or felt weird. Like the other kids didn't understand me or anything. I thought I was bipolar for a while (which is a common diagnosis with/misdiagnosis of autism), but recently I thought about it and was like, "Hold on I act way too autistic for my own good."

I believe I experienced autistic burnout for some weeks or even months. Where I just feel physically ill, like I wanna throw up, digestive issues, everything seems overbearing and I want to cry. I practically lose the ability to speak and can barely even say "I don't want to talk right now" and I don't even want to make a hum for approval. I don't want to eat, and I feel like death. I feel tired and unmotivated to do anything. Everything just comes crashing down for no reason sometimes, and I'm just tired.

I need help with how to approach this with my mom. Everything could find an excuse. And I believe it may be an excuse because it does sound like it. But a lot of the things, so many things, practically everything lines up with what I do. And so many other things I want to get a therapist for.

My step-sister once got therapy and it wasn't received well by my parents. I learned after that "therapy is useless and bad." It's expensive and I don't want to bother with it.

I need help.

What do I do?

[panie-wanie-dean-bean]

Name: Angel (their real name doesn't really fit the human tongue but it roughly translates to honey or nectar)

Age: Well into their 3rd century. Still pretty young by angel standards but well into adulthood

Pronouns: they/them

Sexy bits: Whatever you'd like! They like to change what's down there pretty often but if you show favoritism to any of them they'll stick pretty closely to that

Species: Angel, your guardian angel now forever <3

Looks: Shorty (your chest height, literally, they don't look this human naturally so they made sure they could be smooshed in your chest if you ever gave them a hug), chubby, big ol white wings, golden halo, like a high class version of those slutty party city maid costumes? white ballroom gloves, their hands are coated in pure gold that travels up their arms in splotches (They call it a "horrible little stain"), their hair is a hime cut that they but into a high bun

================================================

Job: Your personal maid. Will come in every other day or so to clean up unless you give them a different schedule. Will not stand for anything under once a week though

Hobbies: Stealing your shit. Ok, that belongs more on the kink list. They do honestly like cleaning though. Keeping things all pristine and shiny makes them happy

They also really like eating. Look, for an angel, eating like humans is fully optional so I'm saying it's a hobby. They mostly like trying foods you seem to like or hate.

Trying to understand every inch of your brain might be their biggest hobby now that I think about it

Kinks: Corruption, worship, slave/master play, anything that can get them on your leash really, scent, tickling, wax play, bondage (specifically their wings, it makes them feel helpless)

No-nos: Any pain play that exceeds hickeys. More stabby pain is a total turn off for them and it will make them cry in the bad way. They can and do find pleasure in duller pain that comes with soreness though, which can absolutely lead to a round two while you're helping them stretch after being bound

================================================

Friends/family: Most angels are like, kinda related??? They've got a big family technically but raising a new angel is a very communal thing so they don't have "parents" of any kind

Other ocs: The only other people they interact with are the ones you interact with the most. By choice or not

Linda, the mayor, is very close to you what with being your landlord and sugar mama and all. They don't mind her so long as she's not being too pushy about her "payments"

The one person in town they actually seek out aside from you is Grace, the priest. She's a bit...weird about them? But the company is nice, and while you're still being stingy about your "privacy" they kinda have to accept her offer of the church's spare room

================================================

Background: Angel always felt a bit off when they compared themself to their siblings. Sure they looked the same but no one ever seemed to feel the way they always did. Empty. They were just, so empty. Until, they met you that is. One of their kin was talking about how annoying it was to be your guardian, so they brushed off the work to Angel so they could do "more important work". What could ever be more important than you they could never understand

All was well until their kin came back, saying that they got told off for not respecting their assignment and needed it back. No, no no no, angels don't get to just be around humans whenever they want. If they got you back Angel would never get to see your smile, your tears, that adorable way you sneeze, ever again

Did you know an angel's blood is golden?

How you met: They kinda just...showed up??? After you moved to little town you had about a week to try and adjust to all the rest of the town's weirdness before they just show up and start handling your household chores like they've been there the whole time. They even know how to fold your laundry the way you like it

[kikithedreamerwriter]

OC!Sayuri x Bayverse!Leo

🗣️: @akesdraws-blog @m1dnyt3-w0lf @tinkabelle19 @sharpwindow @pheradream-15 @fyreball66 @shinzowosasageyoooo @miss-andromeda @m1dnyt3-w0lf

⚠️: mentions of signs of anxiety and depression, suicide, injury, and typos

“Yes.”

It has been six months since Sayuri and Leo have met. After introducing Sayuri to his family, the blue-clad turtle found himself spending even more time with her. Hour-long conversations via phone, various exchanges of memes, recommendations, awkward selfies, hangouts at the Lair, and weekly movie viewings at Sayuri’s apartment. As time passed by, the two of them became inevitably closer and closer. Eventually, Leo felt the pressure of confessing… especially with an upcoming mission looming over his head. The turtles were recently tasked by the feds to deactivate a mysterious nuclear weapon somewhere in Eastern Europe. The specifics weren’t very clear yet. Since they were still technically under the NYPD, jurisdiction was already ambiguous as it is ever since the U.S. government found out about the four mutants who averted the Kraang invasion crisis. This was a high-stakes assignment and the people who were operating it were in even higher places.

Ever since the assignment, Leo spent many nights lying awake in the dark conceiving the perfect manner in which he would finally confirm to Sayuri… the girl of his dreams… his true intentions.

It was a Saturday when Leo came over for the usual movie date. Tonight, it was a viewing of Sayuri’s all-time favorite, Spirited Away. In the final scene, as Chihiro drove away with her parents from what seemed to be a strange land of dragons and olds witches and spirits bursting from bathhouses, (and with the teapot empty and the snack tray depleted) Sayuri and Leo sat comfortably on the couch, their thighs grazing beneath the quilt. Leo loved nights with her like this, especially when they talked. He adored that Sayuri saw the world so differently than he did. He was a realist. She was a dreamer. Their conversations were a tangent of different perceptions. Somewhere only they know.

“What do you think?” Sayuri turned to him.

“I think it’s… a little weird,” Leo remarked. “Magic is weird overall, but names having magic? Things are just what they are and people just name everything for the sake of differentiating them from other things. I think… Chihiro could have probably gotten out of there with her parents without going through all that.”

Sayuri smiled.

“When Chihiro’s parents were turned into pigs. Herself, her memories, her name, was all that she had left.”

Leo gazed at her intently.

“Yubaba wanted to take Chihiro’s name not just to have power over her, but to make her lose her sense of self and be spirited away forever… literally.”

Sayuri’s gaze met his.

“When I first knew your name, I thought of the painter and the scientist, Leonardo Da Vinci. But when I got know you, his name… his memory… didn’t mean so much to me anymore because the Leonardo I know…”

“Is a fearless…”

“Quoting Raph I see…” Leo muttered.

“Oh shut up and let me finish,” Sayuri rolled her eyes. “A fearless mutant turtle leader. Living with his three other brothers in the sewers of their beloved New York City. Whose heart may not be necessarily on his sleeve… but is true and good to anyone who knows it.”

A beat.

Leo faltered at the intensity of her beautiful stare, iridescent from the yellow glow of her living room lamp.

“Sayuri…” he called out her name breathlessly.

“Yes, Leo?” She replied quietly.

“I want you.”

Sayuri could have sworn her heart stopped mid-beat.

“I’ve been up so many nights thinking of the perfect way to say this,” Leo breathed. “But I want us to be together. I meant it when I said that you were beautiful to me from the first night I saw you and… you’ve become even more so every moment we spent together… I-I am hopelessly in love with you Mizuno Sayuri.”

“Leo—“

“You don’t have to answer right now,” Leo interrupted her, grasping her hands. “I’m gonna leave soon… and I couldn’t go without telling you. If whatever you say right might hurt me, I’d rather I take it the next time I see you and then… I’ll carry it for the rest of my life.”

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃

It had nearly been a month since that night and here Sayuri was… in Leo’s bedroom in his sheets and holding them to her. Ever since their departure Sayuri visited every night, even more so than April. She kept Master Splinter company, cooked for him, and helped keep the dojo clean. She would dust Donnie’s computers, feed Raph’s pet turtle, and even catalog Mikey’s games. But most of all, she would stow herself away in Leo’s room, caring for his bonsai, reading his books, burying herself in his sheets. That’s where April found her.

“Oh honey,” April sighed as she sat at the edge of the bed. “I’m sure they’re okay…”

“They were supposed to be back a week ago…” Sayuri whispered.

April gazed at Sayuri sadly, she had been so anxious and it had never been as bad as this week. The constant impulse to clean, the dark circles under her eyes, and her declining appetite… April was surprised that Sayuri could still keep up with her studies at all! Sighing, April tugged Sayuri gently into her arms.

“You love him, don’t you?” April whispered. Sayuri turned her, eyes glistening.

“Can I tell you something?” Sayuri asked her quietly. “Something… I haven’t even told Leo?”

April nodded.

“I think I’m cursed.” Sayuri said.

“Why do you think that?”

Sayuri swallowed.

“The people I love… they tend to leave me.” She fumbled with her fingers. “My father… was a renowned karate sensei. He was always so busy with karate that he never really had time for me and brother. My mother was the one who was always with us… God, I remember her smile so clearly… It made me feel like everything was okay. But when I grew up, I began to hate it… I didn’t know then that she was so… sad.” Sayuri laughed, shaking her head.

“My father was the love of her life you see, so when he left one morning and never returned… it broke her heart.”

“Oh Sayuri…”

“He chose his dreams over his own family. Mom was so heartbroken. So dead inside… that she decided it would be better if she was dead in the outside too…”

April stared at her with wide eyes.

“She slit her wrists in her own bathroom… t-there was so much b-blood…” Sayuri inhaled. “And then she was gone…“

“I’m so sorry Sayuri…” April held Sayuri closely. “I’m so sorry you had to see all that. But you’re not cursed. Hiro-“

“Hiro’s in California n-now.” Sayuri breathed shakily. “I know that someday I will come home, but will he? And what of Leo? What if doesn’t come back to me?”

They stayed silent for a little while.

“I don’t know why bad things happen,” April whispered. “I don’t think anybody does… But I know that more often than not, they happen to good people. You’re a good person Sayuri. I see it in you, and I think… it’s one of the reasons Leo loves you too…”

Sayuri turned away.

“He asked me to be his the night before he left…”

April gasped quietly.

“I didn’t even have the courage to say ‘y-yes...’ What if he never hears me say it?” Sayuri cried. Tears were now streaming down April’s face… happy ones.

“Oh honey,” April laughed. “Now I know he’s surely coming home! Don’t you see? He has you! And you’re so wonderful, Sayuri…”

“Thank you, April…” Sayuri sighed into her shoulder.

Just then, Casey opened the door. He caught April’s wet eyes and chuckled. Casey quietly stepped aside, and in his place stood Leonardo, his brilliant blue eyes only for Sayuri’s slumped figure. The upper left quadrant of his shell was plastered and bandaged. A small scar or two marked his right cheek. April smiled widely before weaning Sayuri from her shoulder and turning her cheek towards the door. Sayuri stilled in her arms as she beheld his intense gaze. Leo grinned, limping into his room and April quickly exiting.

Sayuri stood abruptly as if time had pressed ‘play’ again and leapt into her terrapin’s arms. For one moment, they regarded one another intently in the warmth of their intertwined embrace. Sayuri raised her shaking hand to cup his green cheek.

“Sayuri-“

Before he could say another word, Sayuri pressed her lips against his. Leo could see the tears that hung from her eyelashes then saw nothing else as he closed his eyes and buried his hand into her hair, deepening the kiss. He could feel her all around him, like a delving into an oasis after a long walk in the desert. Sayuri moaned as the their lips moved in unison. This felt real. This felt right. It reminded her of the first time they met all over again... Being cast into the darkness and then falling from the sky among all the lights in his arms.

In his mind, Leo conceived of so many ways in which their first kiss would happen. On a date, in the rain, on her couch… but never quite like this and it was oh so perfect. Who would have known? That a mutant like him, could ever be kissed — be loved by someone like her?

They leaned their foreheads together, taking deep breathes. Sayuri was looking at him the same way he was looking at her.

“Yes,” Sayuri exhaled.

“Yes?” Leo replied in disbelief.

“Yes,” Sayuri nodded vigorously, tears racing down her cheek. Leo wiped them with the pad of his thumb as he leaned once more to capture her lips.

At the entryway, Master Splinter, Casey, April, and his brothers stood quietly, peeking through the creak in the door.

“He’s whipped,” Raph smirked.

“I’ll say,” Donnie remarked, amused.

“They’re really going at it,” Mikey giggled.

“Alright, alright,” April whispered. “Let’s give them some space.”

Master Splinter stood alone at the threshold smiling at the pair of them before closing the door as quietly as he could. Sayuri was seated in her lover’s lap, head laying against his plastron as he delicately stroked her hair from her face.

“I know what you mean now,” Leo breathed. “About names being magic. There was a time I was bleeding out—“

Sayuri was about to perform a full assessment of the bandages on his shell when Leo swiftly took ahold of her fingers.

“I’m okay,” he assured her as he noticed her eyes glistening again. “We were ambushed. I… I thought I was going to d-die… and when I started to forget your face… all I could remember was your name…”

“Oh Leo…” Sayuri sighed.

“And before I even knew it, we were going home… you kept me alive and I was so nervous that if you actually said ‘no…’ I wouldn’t have the slightest idea of how to move on… so thank you, thank you for saying ‘yes,’ thank you for being mine…”

“Why do you always have to say everything, first?” Sayuri huffed with a laugh as she began to wipe away the tears that had slipped from her eyes. Leo chuckled as he leaned his forehead against hers.

“Hey, I wanted to kiss you first.” Leo defended.

“I’m not the slow one,” Sayuri teased.

“Are you seriously saying that because I’m a turtle?”

Sayuri giggled.

“Glad you caught on.”

A playful growl reverberated in Leo’s throat as he attacked her neck speedily with kisses. Sayuri squealed, hands pushing at his plastron in a futile attempt to evade her mutant lover as they fell into his sheets.

[prismatoxic]

"I hope any of this was interesting"

OF COURSE IT'S INTERESTING, THAT'S WHY I ASKED !!!

that's literally so great, those points you've talked about are some of my favorite things from ptk and it's really exciting to know you're so invested in it! (well, duh. Obviously, you're the one writing it)

At first I was kinda wary about the whole dysphoria and gender stuff, I was sort of scared to read when provided the warnings, but as I kept on going (because well, I just couldn't stop. The fic is just that good) it turned out being a really really interesting exploration of Chilchuck's journey, and some things even I could relate to !! To a strangely deep, personal level what the fuck tox

And oh, fuck yeah. The worldbuilding aspect is top notch. Probably my second favorite part of the whole thing beside the dynamic between chilaios. It's just so good to get to witness this carefully crafted world and how each of the characters fit in it! I really fucking love the way it works so well but is also riddled with some deeply rooted issues. How chilchuck fits in it, or rather, how he doesn't fit in it but makes room for himself anyways, learns to work around it. It's fucking great. It just ends up being sort of the default I think about for when I imagine any more modern universe stuff within dungeon meshi. The car stuff! that's so clever and interesting! Ugh half foots don't even have cars!!! Wtf!!! So cool!!! How do I explain to my friends this without making them read your fic wtf !!

Been ranting for a bit too long, and didn't even mention chilaios too much, but. Their dynamic. Fuck yeah. It had me twirling my hair kicking my feet. Laios' daddy issues, how they manifest in his relationship with Chilchuck (from the beginning too, ugh. Saw it coming from miles away and I was ecstatic waiting for it to finally boil over) and how Chil ALSO has some Dad issues (he is simultaneously the dad and the son) and how they both fuck about it freaky style. They're so good, and this is the perfect Chilaios dynamic, where they belong. So good. I love weird queer sex and if we're lucky they'll be having lots of it. Eventually.

They are SO hot together. I'm going insane. It's just so hot, the fic didn't even have smut yet and I was already cartoonishly pulling on my collar like "is it hot in here??" From having Laios call Chil "sir" instead of his name. All the setup had me going crazy, you did such a good job!

Anyway. Rant over. I need to calm tf down. Ty for writing ^_^ but take your time at the fic, enjoy your oc brainrot hours freely and don't force yourself to be churning out chapters just because we like the fic, we can wait, and we will.

THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE THIS MESSAGE IT'S SO NICE...

ptk is my baby, i've put a lot of time and effort and love into it and it really does mean the world to me when people appreciate it for what it is ;_; and plenty of people do, it's surprisingly popular ?? but i get very giddy when people engage with it on a deeper level, where i'm writing it from

i do want to get back to it soon, oc brainrot or no i'm extremely determined to see ptk through to the end, and some time away from it has given me some fresh ideas. plus i do need to get to the penetrative sex!!!

anyway, you're very nice and i love how you view and appreciate my story, here's a preview of chapter 12 for you

"...Laios?” he croaks.

“Oh, g’morning,” Laios says behind him, the sound of his typing stopping immediately. “...Good afternoon, I guess,” he corrects himself. “How are you—Actually, forget that, I think I know the answer.”

Miffed by his warm tone in spite of the fact that he’s acknowledging Chilchuck’s abject misery, Chilchuck lifts his head to glare over his shoulder. “Why am I naked?”

Laios is, himself, only in a pair of sweatpants, his legs crossed and laptop balanced on top of them. The curtains beyond him are drawn shut, but the light that is coming through is still far too bright. His stupid smile is even brighter, though there’s a touch of concern to it. “You got hot,” he explains.

That tracks. “Don’t remember that,” Chilchuck mutters, rolling bonelessly onto his back with a groan and throwing an arm over his eyes. “Was I trying to claw my clothes off in my sleep?”

“Yeah,” Laios confirms with a little laugh. “And thrashing around. I helped you get out of them and you went right back to sleep.”

He’s talking quieter than usual, Chilchuck realizes. “So much for me taking care of you,” he mutters.

“It’s a symbiotic relationship,” Laios assures, and Chilchuck feels gentle fingers card through his hair. “Let me get you some fresh water.”

“Don’t use—” Chilchuck makes a strangled sound as Laios starts to get off the bed, the movement making him feel like he’s on a boat at sea. “...Don’t use biology terms about your boyfriend, dipshit,” he finishes when it settles. “Fuck’s sake.”

“Don’t be mean to me, I’m going out of my way to baby you right now,” Laios chides, voice receding from the room.

“Baby me?” Chilchuck squawks, lifting his arm to glare indignantly at the doorway, and Laios laughs out in the hall.

[eye-of-yelough]

🍋🍪🍫!!

eeeeeeee thank!! doing this out of order cos the worst memory definitely had to be put under a readmore 😬

🍪 - what is something sentimental to your oc?

saved this one for last and i still don’t really know. i don’t think he’s very materially sentimental though. i think when he peels the face bandages away after Gortash gives him the lip/neck scars it’s like. in tv shows when they get makeovers and look into the mirror and cry because they’re so beautiful lmao. truly an insane response. but the Orin lobotomy happens really not very long after that so he doesn’t get the chance to enjoy it for long.

OH. the spiders lyre that Minthara gives him. when i mentioned everything reminds me of her by elliott smith was an aerynthara song the part i forgot to mention was that i imagine him playing it on the spiders lyre 🥹 i don’t think this Literally happens but it’s a cute image. i think he does try to teach himself how to play it but he sucks so bad and his singing would make your ears and eyes bleed.

🍫 - where does your oc go to think?

do people actually have “thinking spots”? i feel like that’s not really a thing. (<- guy who never leaves his room) anyway i don’t think he has a thinking spot but his “stop thinking” spot is basically any body of water. amphibious little fucker. maybe he wouldn’t be so weird if someone took him on a swimming date.

horrible horrible shit under the cut i’ve talked about this a little bit before in the tags of a post a few days ago, but this is in more detail. mentions of rape, both physical and psychological is the only way i can think to explain it. it’s bad. and csa.

🍋 - what is your oc’s most painful memory?

it isn’t one specific occasion, more a chain of events that gets worse and worse. i don’t know how to say this gently so i’m just gonna be super matter-of-fact about it. Aeryn got groomed and eventually sexually assaulted by his private piano tutor as a kid. (the fact that gort plays piano. ick) emphasis on the “groomed” part cos when his foster parents found out and they tried to have the bastard arrested he killed them to protect him. i don’t know exactly what happens between that and him getting adopted by Zhander the warlock mentor, but he doesn’t see the bastard who did that to him again. at least uhh. not for a while. Zhander isn’t too bad of a guy and doesn’t mistreat Aeryn, but their criminal lifestyle exposes him (young) to some more people who do over the years. Aeryn coming into his bhaalspawn legacy makes him increasingly difficult for Zhander to handle, especially seeing how Aeryn is using the same language he uses to justify his grey morality to justify brutal murder. he becomes terrified of him.

ok why is this just becoming aeryn’s backstory. yknow what i’ve started now i’m just gonna keep going cos i’m on a roll

Zhander eventually can’t handle the monster he created anymore and sells him to. some kind of Entity. idk Great Old One, it’s weird. this part’s a little a fuzzy if you couldn’t tell lol. anyway The Entity eventually becomes Aeryn’s patron after uhm. some amount of time? lots of horrors experienced in that time i’ll tell ya that much. Aeryn joins the Bhaalist cult at 21, only 4 years before meeting Gort.

to get it back on track to Aeryn’s Worst Memory, at some point he tells Gort about the piano teacher when they were playing their weird “Gortash as Aeryn’s therapist trying to cure his sex addiction” game. a mistake. first off Gort is super fucking creepy about it. but the real horror is a few weeks later when Gort leads him blindfolded into his basement (normal bestie activities) and uhm. locks him in a room with his former piano teacher. (big windows of course) and has no plans on letting him out until he gets his revenge. and i’m not talking about killing him. “takes back his dignity” as Gortash calls it, while forcing him to do the worst thing you could do to another person. and he eventually does do it, to be clear. strangles him to death while he does it and cries until he loses his voice, but he does it. Gortash makes him say “thank you” after wrestling him into accepting being cradled and told how good of a job he did. 😬

oh and Gortash makes sure to adequately break the guy beforehand to make sure it is rape.

and for context on why Gortash does this, because there is a reason: it’s pretty soon after he has the “Aeryn is my literal heart” realisation, but before he realises that his heart is an asset, not a burden. in that period of time, he does a lot of the worst stuff he ever does to Aeryn, including this, in an effect to kill his empathy. his heart. he doesn’t succeed, he never could, but he definitely fucks him up scary style.

so um. yeah. sorry

[coro-chan6]

Somehow Supernatural

Chapter 2: It's All Starting to Feel Real

Tags: poc!oc, gn!oc, teen!oc, panic attack, heavy cursing, Dean always needs his own warning, self-deprecating thoughts, mentions of anxiety, Cas not taking a hint, Deanstiel (or whatever the fuck Dean and Cas's ship name is), general chaos

Summary: The Winchesters and Cas have a meeting about Casey. It doesn't go too well, and Casey realizes what shit their stuck in.

Words: 2,675

I kinda felt like I was gonna vomit. Not because I needed to vomit, but because my tum-tum was doing flips and turns like a fucking rollercoaster due to my crippling anxiety. Usually, I would do little exercises that helped me regulate like my mom taught me, but that just reminded me that I was in a different universe where I might not be able to see my mom - or anyone I knew in real life - ever again. These consistent, little thoughts did not help my already upside-down stomach.

I was sitting in the bunker, in the room with the table that has the big map of the world. I liked to call this room the “meeting room” when I watched the show because… they met people in the meeting room. Come on, it was like the foyer of the bunker so everyone had to pass through it to fight and argue and shiz.

Anyway, I was sitting in the meeting room surrounded by men that I never thought I’d ever meet in person. Maybe the reason for my anxious tum was because of the “omg-smexy-men-are-staring-at-me” effect. If so… give me an anxiety stomach ache every day.

Dean sat straight across from me at the map table. Even though he wasn’t in pouncing position anymore, he was still on guard; which, I mean, valid. All that shit he’s gone through definitely made him a tough cookie. 

Castiel was standing right behind Dean’s chair like a guardian angel. I mean, literally right behind. He was basically breathing down the hunter's neck. Maybe he liked the smell.

And Sam.

Oh. Sammy. Boy!

He had his ass sat directly on the table and was staring at me in wonder. Sam’s hair was hanging in his face at an angle that was just… perfect. It was also the perfect length, not short enough to make him look like he was 15 and not long enough where he looked crusty. Did I mention that he looked fucking perfect? Honestly, if I didn’t know any better I would’ve thought Sam was the angel.

No offense, Cas.

All three attractive men were gathered around the meeting table to discuss me. Me! I was kinda feeling myself and basking in the attention that I was getting from multiple hot men before I realized something a bit alarming.

Dean, Castiel, and Sam… were deciding what to do with me. I wouldn’t put it past Dean if he decided to kill me or abandon me in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. He doesn’t seem like the type to have a father instinct for just some random teen.

…or maybe whoever’s body I’m occupying is important to him.

“Y’all gonna talk or just stare?” I asked. Yes, during my whole internal monologue full of ogling men and withering away from anxiety, not a single person talked. They gave each other looks, but they didn’t utter a word. 

Someone finally decided to speak up after realizing how weird they were being.

“So…” Sam started. He had his hand thoughtfully under his chin. I thought I might mention it because it almost took me out, “You just appeared out of nowhere?”

“I mean, I guess so. I’m just as confused as you guys are,” I spin in my chair, “Honestly, I thought I was just having one of my regularly scheduled psychedelic dreams but then, I woke up with Dean in my face.”

“A dream?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah, dude, a dream. I was basically floating in this void and then I started hearing someone telling me to wake up and then… Dean’s face.” I took another twirl in my chair. 

The guys looked like they were trying to solve a puzzle. They had their thinking caps on full blast, you should have seen their faces. 

“Did you try the usual holy water, sliver, cross stuff?” Sam turned to Dean in question.

“Yeah,” Dean replied.

I get trying to make sure I’m not a bad type of baddie, but he could have used his non-dominant hand so it wouldn’t be as hard cause damn. That shit really hurt.

“They didn’t try to attack you?” Sam continued.

“No.”

“Then, I think we should be good for now. We can let them stay here since they seem discombobulated,” Bless you, Sam. You’re the greatest of all these fuckers.

“But if they try anything, they're out,” Cas nodded along with Dean’s words. The angel barely even looked like he was listening to what Dean was actually saying, “And if we figure out you were lying about who you are, I will find a way to send you to hell. Trust me.” 

Go shit on a brick, Dean. And you too Cas, agreeing with Dean like a lost puppy. 

“Okay…” I muttered. I didn’t really like the idea of dying, especially if it was in someone else’s body, but what could I have done? Said no? Been kicked to the curb? I’m not really worth anything to them so-

…wait.

“You never told me, whose body is this?” 

All of a sudden, it got a little awkward. Sam’s cheeks were pink and Dean was avoiding my eyes. Even Cas looked a little weird.

“Well-” Dean started.

“We-” 

“Sam found the kid on a hunt and couldn’t help but save them. They almost died, but Sammy got Cas to heal them,” Dean blurted. Sam’s face turned a dark red now that the truth was out to the masses.

“W-well you cared about them enough to train them!” Sam retorted. Now it was Dean’s turn for a red face. 

“You brought them stacks of books!”

“You made them your big bacon breakfast…three times! I can barely get you to cook for me!”

“You eat salad. I’m not making a fucking salad for a meal!” 

“It’s good for your body! Your body will rot away from all the red meat you eat!”

“At least I’m not eating rabbits' food!”

“You know,” Cas finally piped up, “The kid was bound to die.”

Silence. Damn, dude. That was a bit harsh, wasn’t it? From what I heard just now, the Winchester brothers really liked this kid. It kind of makes me feel bad for pushing them from their own body, but… what was Cas saying?

“They were meant to die the night of the hunt. Right on the floor of their living room where you found them. It was their fate. It was a miracle I was able to heal them and it was almost impossible for them to survive a month like they did,” Sam and Dean were getting pissed. Castiel - bless his heart - didn’t seem to notice, “They were never supposed to have formed relations with you two because you weren’t supposed to meet them while they were still alive.”

Poor Cas and his sucky communication skills. Now due to his harsh words, the angel’s collar was being winkled by Dean’s man hands. Castiel didn’t look alarmed at all. I wasn’t sure if it was because Dean was a mere human or because the majority of the Supernatural fandom was right about these two.

“Shut up,” Dean seethed. Sam was hovering behind Dean either waiting his turn to get a lick in or making sure Dean didn’t take it too far. I was now feeling really bad because this was all making a bit of sense. I finally understood why Castiel didn’t seem fazed by my sudden appearance, why he’s been saying all this shit about how this person should be dead already.

Speaking of Castiel, he was just letting Dean choke him up against the table. I knew he didn’t really need my help in the situation, but I was starting to feel a little awkward just sitting there. It’s way different seeing these men fight when they’re on screen and I’m in a whole other world looking like a mole rat on my couch. 

With courage that I didn’t know I had, I muttered, “Guys… I need to take a shit. Real bad.”

Three pairs of eyes turned to look at me in… surprise? Disgust? Both? It didn’t really matter what they thought of my statement, all that mattered was Castiel’s insensitive words were forgotten. For now.

Fingers combing through his hair, Sam sighed, “Come on then,” he said, walking off. He expected me to follow him and I did. To the best of my ability. He’s got long fucking legs, so he’s got even longer fucking strides. I had to practically run and I’m of average height!

Sam finally stopped at the door to the bathroom. I didn’t actually have to shit, but I figured I could use this opportunity of aloneness to recoup, realign, and do all things zen. 

Closing the door to the bathroom, I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding. Today was one of the weirdest days of my life. I wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad weird yet, but it was weird. I never thought I would travel to a different universe. I never thought I would ever meet the Winchesters. I never thought I would get to walk with my own two feet - mostly - through the bunker that I’ve adored for years. 

What the hell brought me here? I wasn’t really complaining, but I still have to wonder. Was this planned? Was this person’s body kept alive for me to go in it? Do I have to save this world somehow? Am I connected to something here? Was this fate like Castiel mentioned?

I sat on the toilet seat feeling pretty lost. I wasn’t sure why it was so bright in the fucking bathroom, but it was bothering me so I slammed my face onto my lap. It was dark and warm and what I really needed at the moment. 

I know, a really sharp change in my emotions, but that’s just how it be sometimes. Perhaps being alone right now wasn’t the best decision. Usually, being alone worked, but now it felt like there were 20-pound weights on my shoulders, and it was getting kind of hard to breathe. It was also really hot, so I started squirming on the toilet seat like that was gonna cool me off.  I don’t know what I thinking because that’s not how heat works.

Then, I thought I could sit on the floor and continue my deep ponder about how the fuck I got into this situation, but I finally realized I was having a panic attack and didn’t really want to move. I found that if I moved, I would black out or it would be 10 times worse, but who knows, maybe this body works differently.

So, I moved to the floor. The floor was nice and cool, but then I started thinking about spiders because I was on the floor in an underground bathroom and spiders here really made sense. I wanted to get back on the toilet, but my body didn’t wanna listen. So now, I was a lump of a human on the bathroom floor that was probably shivering, but I couldn’t really feel my body anymore.

I wonder why when my body’s panicking my thoughts are calmer than when my body’s not panicking. It doesn’t really make sense. Like, none of my thoughts were screaming at me or telling me to do stupid shit. They were just calmly saying stuff like ‘you should get up’ or ‘there might be spiders here’ or ‘your probably gonna die, but take your time’. 

Yeah, the calm thoughts were definitely worst.

Now I recognized the feeling of tears falling down my face and I felt pretty pathetic. I mean, what the fuck was I crying for? Nothing was wrong. They hadn’t killed me yet. I’d always wanted to travel to another world, but I guess my body couldn’t take it. Wait! This wasn’t even my fucking body!

“So goddamn pathetic,” I wheezed. My right cheek was pressed against the floor and when I talked I could feel the tears smearing all over the place and it gave me the ick, but I couldn’t stop myself from crying. 

I love to mention the fact that I have a superiority complex, but I never talk about the opposite of that. My dandy ‘you’re a fucking loser and will never do anything in your life’ complex. It always sneaks up on me at the worst times, like when I’m supposed to be enjoying myself in another universe for crying out loud, and makes me feel more worthless than - fucking - everything. It makes me wanna crawl into a hole and never come back out.

Feeling worthless and having a panic attack simultaneously isn’t the best. It means not only can you not breathe, but you also don’t feel like trying. So, I laid on the floor of the bathroom and didn’t do any of the breathing exercises that my therapist taught me. I just waited to black out.

“Hey, kid, you doing okay in there?” Sam’s voice sounded so far away. I could barely hear it. My lungs were starting to hurt from lack of air, so I curled my aching body into a pathetic little ball.

Pathetic.

“Did you hear me?” Sam sounded. I didn’t move a muscle. I wasn’t surprised when I heard his footsteps getting farther from the door. Of course, he would abandon me. Even I would abandon myself. I was so damn pathetic that I didn’t deserve to be cared for.

Bang!

“Kid! What the hell?” Sam’s voice was now closer. Was it odd that I could smell him? Was I really that desperate for someone that I was imagining things?

So fucking pathetic.

Strong arms lifted me off the floor. I was now pushed against a firm chest and not cold tiles. I don’t think I was imagining this, but I wasn’t gonna get my hopes up. I couldn’t see much because of the tears, so I just snuggled deeper into Sam’s flannel.

More footsteps approached. More voices.

“What the hell happened?”

“They were in the bathroom and I heard sobbing, but they wouldn’t answer the door.”

“Are they hurt?” 

“No, I think they’re having a panic attack.”

“A what?”

“A panic attack, Dean. I’m just gonna get them to lay down somewhere other than the floor.”

“The floor? Did they pass out?”

Sam brushed my hair back to see my face, “Maybe. They’re awake now.”

When we got to the couch, Sam put me down and crouched in front of me. He was looking into my eyes while I was trying to look at his. 

“Breathe with me,” Sam whispered gently. 

I tried to do what he said, but my lungs were burning. Every breath I tried to take would come out shaky or devolve into a sob. Sam slowly took my hands, giving me a chance to pull away, and continued breathing with me. It took a while, but soon I was breathing steadily and my crying had stopped.

“You okay?” Sam asked.

I nodded.

“You want some water?” 

I nodded again.

“Dean?” Sam turned to his brother that was standing behind him, “Mind getting them some water?”

Before Dean could move Castiel appeared with a glass of water in hand. I hadn’t even noticed he had left. The angel handed me the glass and while I gulped it down, he stayed hovered over me. He looked really worried, but I wasn’t sure why.

“Does this happen a lot?” Sam questioned. His hand was still holding one of mine. It was comforting.

“Yeah,” I croaked, “No big deal.”

“Is there something wrong with them?” The shorter brother asked.

“Nah, I’m just kinda sensitive,” I huffed, “Kind of hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with that in this body.”

“Sorry you have to,” said Sam, “I know how it feels.”

Well, well, well. One of my personal headcannons was true. 

I gave Sam a smile and finally let go of his hand. I didn’t really wanna talk about this anymore.

“So, you guys got anything to eat?”

I used my own experience with panic attacks to write the scene in this chapter, so if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

AN: loved this chapter sm. I really like the tone of this fanfiction and I'm gonna try to keep it like this so when it gets dark... well- it doesn't get too depressing.

Hope you enjoyed!

[vinegar-on-main]

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR OC. INFO I NEED RIGHT THIS INSTANT

1. Full name, age, gender, height, etc. Just bio info really.

2. What kind of world do they live in?

3. Are they good or evil? Protag? Side character? Villain? Hero?

4. Magic powers of any kind? Skills they have?

5. Favorite fact about them

6. Character arc?

7. Any other info you desperately want to tell someone

WOOOO YEAH OKAY

Putting this under a cut cause this is Loooooong

THIS ISNT PROOFREAD AT ALL HAVE FUNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Also tagging @meme-boys-blog cause he’s heard me brainrot about her :p

1. Okay so that’s a bit complicated cause she uses three of em, depending on form. If she’s a human person, that’s Kuze, if shes humanoid, that’s Kuma, and if shes Shadow Creature, that’s Kurokami. It’s all the same person, just presenting as different aspects, you know?

Also she frequently uses bynames so watch out :p

Beat answer for age is Yes. She’s older than literally everyone and anything due to being a creature that is made out of the stuff that exists between realities.

Her gender is whatever you want it to be, but she generally prefers she/they. But she can manifest as any gendered human person as Kuze. The only exception is pronouns of it/it’s, mostly because of some Hollow Knight Stuff.

Also!!! Kuze fun facts: there’s some Rules that Kuze has to follow when manifested, it’s not a lot, but it’s just enough to tip off observant persons that they’re not exactly the Most Human. For example: all forms have to follow the basic template of white hair, pale skin, black eyes, black clothes. Of course, the black can be any dark shade of gray, so there’s some variation in the outfits. Eyes do not reflect light, skin doesn’t get cut like flesh and instead cracks like porcelain, bleeds Void, body temp is always room temp, etc.

Here’s a drawing I did of each one, from right to left, it’s Kuze, Kuma, and Kurokami

2. Yes? Yes. She’s kinda my proxy into fandoms. An op SI oc. But she has her own personality sorta??? It’s A Lot.

3. Lawful neutral. She has her own personal values and sticks to them like glue, but overall she enjoys the concepts of freedom. She has the potential to be the scariest thing ever with eldritch horror shenanigans, or the wine aunt with weird eyes. She tends to make the worst kind of friends (See: Michael Distortion from TMA) because of her loose morals.

She’s not really on the side of destroying worlds, instead going for the cosmic horror angle of “not yet”. And even then, the Void doesn’t really need her direction.

She also travels to diff universes cause she likes the connection, and also she fears becoming a true monster. I mean, wouldn’t everyone?

4. She’s basically the God of Shadow in all its forms, but she doesn’t control it directly. All forms can stop time with ease due to a visit to jojo and stealing DIO’s stand for herself, Names have Power and she can stop it for an infinite duration. Also she can invoke someone’s true name to tell them what to do, this can manifest in different forms, but she tries to make it subtle :p. All forms are also skilled in every instrument type because music is kinda a huge deal for her, and also can create constructs that fall under the same restrictions as Kuze’s form. They can be pretty much anything. But she usually abuses it to make musical instruments on the fly. Almost forgot about the child in the room, during certain plot parts of Transformers Prime season 3, she made a trade with Rafael to repaint Bumblebee in exchange for his knowledge of computers. And given that this kid can hack The Pentagon… yeah.

Kurokami has the power to change her size to be as large as she wants, but the low end is 7 feet, plus horns. Power to dwell/hide in things/peoples shadows, only consequence being that the shadow itself is darker than normal.

ALSO!!! Soul shit, it’s a lot, but it’s a called direct interfacing. She dislikes the process cause it’s Very Invasive (think of it like forcibly issuing commands to someone)

Also also dream shit, she has a major influence over it cause when Radiance died, they left a power vacuum.

Kuze and Kuma have the previously stated abilities, as well as being overall weaker than Kurokami. The time it takes to get from either of these back to Kurokami is quite literally nothing, as the form can either melt or straight up explode, but going from Kurokami to Kuze/Kuma takes longer, even longer if it’s Kuze.

5. When as Kurokami, there’s some Special Voice Quirks!!! She can speak as any person that she has met or knows the Name of, and usually speaks with more than one voice. Her default is usually some kind of femme fatale, but they could also be a confident businesswoman type beat. Also, she speaks in plurals, using we/us/our instead of I/me/my. I just think it’s neat!!!

Also whenever she arrives in a new place that she’s gonna Chill in, she makes a card that automatically charges a random bank account that’s on an internal list. She mostly picks billionaires. She also can eat but she doesn’t need to but food is good.

Coffee addiction. Lots of coffee.

6. Okay so it’s a bit hard to pinpoint her timeline, but I’m gonna try my best.

- In the Before times, before Kurokami was Kurokami, she was something else, think of it like a Guardian Angel on crack and also omni-dimensional.

- She basically was that before she started looking after the cast for Persona 5, 4, and 3 in that order. When she was done with Persona 3’s main plot, something… spoilery happened that made her have an epiphany and was basically the catalyst for her to begin her search

- the search being, of course, to become her own functioning person. She eventually found her way to HK universe post Dream No More, and traveled down to The Abyss to dunk herself in Void.

- the most recent adventures were, in this order:

- TMA, where she made friends with Michael distortion and also became a menace to Elias. She rearranged his books and moved his shit semi-weekly

- Octopath 2, where she had huuuuge beef with the final boss for kinda encroaching on her domain cause she’s petty. Also she asked the gods pretty please for her to say hi to their chosen and give ‘em a boost

- A revisit to personas 3, 4, and 5 Royal, where she revisited the place and could do what she actually wanted with Joker and Co. also fucked with Kasumi a little because she wanted to know Her Deal early.

- SMT IV, kinda visited it while passing through, but ended up making friends with Hikaru, so there’s that. So now she’s here to play music and kick ass. Also probably provide moral support for Neutral route via fun music times

-Pokemon X/Y: Yeah this was meant as a bit of a one time thing but here we are. She’s here to hang out with Sycamore (who highkey thinks she’s a Zorarark but doesn’t leave her because science!!!! Breakthroughs in Zorarark behavior!!!) and also spend an entire day working on her new holo caster because SOMEBODY decided to listen in on them. Also she’s there for the main events of the plot and I’m trying to justify Sycamore having fully evolved Kanto starters.

-SMT IV: Apocalypse. She’s gonna go hang out with Hikaru and also hang out with a different traumatized kid. But this one has a knife and is a gremlin. Nanashi gives her wicked flashbacks to TMA and ends up alerting Dagda when she tries to figure out the kids deal. Either way, Nanashi has a new stalker and Dagda has a new nuisance.

7. I have some documents saved on my laptop that are literally just Shit I Wrote for discord friends but I can post em here if you want. They’re kinda mismatched and scattered, but they give the sense of “shit happening in the background.”

[cynda-queer]

“People You’d Like to Know Better” Tag Game

Tagged by @full---ofstarlight, I fucking love these games sooooooo

—

Three Ships:

- DabiHawks

- Hero and villain? Check. Two sides of the same coin? Check. Enemies-to-lovers? Check. Back to enemies again? Check. I am actively rotating them in my head like all day. I want to explain my obsession with them, but the only way I feel I can get it across is grabbing someone in the face and screaming. But legit, it’s the “I love you, but not enough to change” “I love you, but not like this” “You’re the first thing that was mine” and looking at someone and seeing them for who they are beyond the outside and loving what you see, but your ideas/desires/destiny is too great to ignore. This a ship where all ends are satisfying—in canon, they’ll never get a happy ending because their story is literally the love wasn’t enough, but sometimes I just like to imagine what could be if things were a little different. Dabi and Hawks both need someone to look at them and *actually* see them, to think that they’re worth something as themselves and not what they can do and, I think for a little while, they both get that from one another, but like every other person in their life, they picked something else rather than the other and that hurts so nice. I also just think they should fuck nasty.

- ZuzuRaha

- The person who tagged me is stronger than I am for not putting an OC-ship in their response. Zu’zu is my slutty catboy bard and G’raha Tia is his nerdy over 100-year old boyfriend from FFXIV. It’s about falling in love with your heroes and then falling in love with a person. It’s about “I want to go with you through thick and thin” and “my place is by your side” and “there’s no where else I’d rather be than with you” and “take me with you” and “love me for the quiet moments too”. The moment is Shadowbringers where the cowl comes off and you can call him by his name and he *cries* is literally everything to me. The idea of waking Raha up in the Source and then he just never wants to spend a moment away from you? Beautiful. Zu’zu found someone he connects with and rather than pushing it away in the face of “saving someone” from heartache like he did the first time, he loves and loves and loves Raha wholeheartedly because the future isn’t promised, but I want to spend right now with you. I’m excited to see how Dawntrail goes and spend more time with Zu’zu’s dweeb of a boyfriend.

- GriddleHark

- Literally, again, enemies-to-lovers is everything to me. No one understands me like you do and there is no one else who matters and no me without you. Literally read the first chapter of Gideon the Ninth and was just obsessed. I am gnawing on Gideon like a good bone and I’m spinning Harrow in a salad spinner. Two kids having to be bigger than they are and they fool everyone, even themselves, but not the other. Harrow the Ninth being from Gideon’s POV and just how she sees Harrow and how she knows her and how she *adores* her in her own way just makes me fucking feral. And how Harrow recognizes Gideon even when she’s not herself and how there’s a part of her down in her bones that knows Gideon, *loves* Gideon is just making me shake. I want them back together in the same room and want to watch them scrap like a pair of feral chickens and maybe, if Tamsyn is kind to me, I can finally get them to kiss* in the worst way possible.

- *(While both of them are in their body and aware of what the fuck is going on)

Last Film:

- Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

- It’s a fun movie, we needed to put something on and it’s on the plex and so we put it on. Only watched it for the first time like a year or two again and I enjoyed it. I saw the Universal Halloween Horror Nights Show (mind you, the last show they did) before I saw the actual movie.

Currently Watching

- Fall of the House of Usher

- Weird feelings about this show. It’s certainly something and it’s certainly making me feel things. I’m morbidly curious about this show and I want to finish it before Netflix gets rid of it like they did Midnight Mass (which was such a good show). Fun to see Mark Hamil.

Currently Reading

- The Bayou

- I started this book, like, months ago, I think before I started school this semester and I still haven’t gotten more than a few pages into it. Been really into American Southern Gothic and roommate recommended this to me. One day I’ll finish it, maybe after finals.

Currently Consuming

- Pom Pomegranate Tea Lemonade

- My fucking crack shit I love this juice so much I buy, like, four bottles of it whenever I see it in the grocery store and they’ve stopped carrying it at all of the ones I shop at and so I’m not hording it like a dragon

Currently Craving

- My new community college to get back to me so I can get this nonsense figured out and maybe get into the mortuary program on time

- Also pumpkin pie (but that’ll be fixed tomorrow >:3)

Tagging: @fluffy-fern @lenkagamine133 @amilliontinysqueaks @evelynnsometimes @keclan and viewers like you :)

[therese-lokidottir]

I am in middle writing loki series fanfic. Can you help me for help loki mental pain because what happened in tv series?

Okey so my oc is basically and kind literally cosmic horror monsterin human shape. like all peoples in tva scare of her and honestly she kind justify to hate tva. She and loki kind trapped inside a room and tva together

My oc is kind rigid in social and well she is very weird and eerily but she kind nice and kind to loki, she even give him hope and positive things. Of course my oc is being kind to loki because loki is polite and little nice to her and oc is have soft spot to all lokis (except for Sylvie because she not playing nice). Even like that my can just be mean to loki but she choose be kind to loki

My oc and loki becoming friend, at first it look likely that oc is the one take care loki but turn out oc is the one need 'holding hand' to keep her in line. they basically take care each other but loki look more take care oc. From her loki started to take care himself and other and from they friendship loki start to healing. And loki not care that if my oc is cosmic horror monster, because he love hef and want take care oc for long time

Okey, we know that loki mental problem won't just go away if he get a girlfriend and I saw in comic loki just need a friend to help him. Yeah I know in my story oc and loki are in love to each other but they still in friend zone, and will still want take care oc if they are just friend

So spoiler my oc will die when loki confess his feeling. It is some kind 'metaphor ' that loki no need lover to help him heal, he just need one person that kind and care for him, even that person is a monster?

Alright, I'm not quite sure about the input to put out but, I like the general idea. Verity Willis was his friend in the comics and the thing about their relationship was Loki was already making the effort to be better by the time he meat her. She didn't change him but her reassurance in a crucial moment, when being evil feels inevitable she called and told him that she believed in him that and that his fate was he choice. That's what's important is a support network. Not some trying to change someone else but someone making and effort and having others help them when they struggle.

[ruvviks]

AND johnny and jackie for vincent (^:<

oc get-along asks!

🦾 - johnny silverhand

now this is where things get interesting because these two have felt nearly every emotion on the spectrum of human AND shrimp emotions about each other

at first, vincent is mostly just scared of johnny. the man is in his head but also trying to kill him and then suddenly he's no longer trying to do that, all in the span of a few days and vincent was NOT built for any of that shit. he's just a little guy. look at him he's got crippling anxiety now

johnny just thinks vincent is pathetic and is very vocally disappointed about the fact he's stuck with him out of all people in night city, which isn't doing vincent's self esteem much good

vincent's initial fear of johnny soon turns into annoyance and from that moment on the two of them are constantly biting each other's dick off and bickering about everything they can bicker about. they often don't see eye to eye on methods and johnny is still begging to get control of vincent's body, which vincent still refuses to do

an added layer to all of this is that vincent is trans and. well. johnny is not. and it makes vincent VERY scared all the time because johnny knows things about him that he can hold against him and he also REALLY doesn't want to find out what johnny would do were he in control of vincent's body. so that's obviously never going to happen

however, it has to be said that not at any point does johnny even consider holding anything against vincent and he's actually. well. as respectful as he can be idk LMAO we all know how he is but he's not THAT kind of cunt if you know what i mean. he's even forced to help vincent a couple of times during the storyline when vincent is having a breakdown in the corner of a room at a random place and there's no one else to help him through it. johnny could very easily just not help him. but he does. inch resting

later on things start to get a little complicated because they're both just very tired which ends up in them being nice to each other and they never really meant for that to happen and mainly vincent doesn't really know what to do with any of that. he wouldn't call johnny his friend but has also started to get used to him being there and it's strangely comforting to him for some reason

later, when johnny is no longer there, vincent finds himself looking for the man. he HATES silence nowadays because it makes him feel very scared and alone and even though he would never admit it he misses johnny's presence. in fact, he misses him so much he ends up sort of imagining johnny's voice in his head; you've already seen this in some chapters actually :]

at first it's actual remnants of johnny's psyche, in the arasaka arc (which i haven't really written about except for the vitali straight up dies fic)- but after that, when the remnants of soulkiller are taken care of, it's just vincent's imagination. or his intuition. the voice in his head has adopted johnny's voice. who knows! either way, johnny is most definitely no longer there but his voice remains and it's comforting to vincent. it helps him stay focused in combat and it makes him feel less alone

i still wouldn't really label them as friends, even with the whole "downloading johnny to vincent's phone and later getting him a body" thing that i've been spinning around as possible continuation of canon. it's more a kind of weird "old friends to strangers" situation? i don't know how to explain it but there's a very distinct distance between them because of just how they are as people but at the same time they know each other so intimately because they've literally been inside each other's thoughts. if anything johnny is more of an absent father figure to vincent than a friend LMFAO but they make it work. somewhat

🥢 - jackie welles

vincent and jackie were BESTIES. they didn't have a lot of time together which is still something vincent feels very sad about but the time they DID have were some of the best months of vincent's entire life and he misses him so so much :(

they first met on the same gig and had to fight and run away from the ncpd together which was an instant bonding moment for them. they worked surprisingly well together and jackie was VERY interested in vincent because he sure as hell doesn't really look like a merc. but he clearly is. so. he wanted to start working together and they did! and very quickly became very good friends along the way

vincent admired jackie for his bravery and how he was unapologetically himself at all times. he felt safe with him and working together on gigs was both fun AND they were a great team together, especially when t-bug also joined them

jackie LOVED vincent. tiny funny pocket friend :] vincent often reminded him of a younger vitali but he never said this to him, but it's what caused them to be so close in such a short period of time because to jackie it felt like they had already known each other for many years

one thing i want to add to all this is that vincent never got to tell jackie his real name before jackie passed away. he still feels very bad about that :( but he does end up finding a little notebook in jackie's belongings with a list of names starting with v and the name "vincent" IS in fact on the list. underlined. and that makes him very happy :]

[teomodo]

i decided i'm gonna copy @/tincansamurai and crosspost oc monday posts from pillowfort cus i liked the questions this week (here's my tag for it on pifo)

1. Did [x] go to university or receive some other tertiary education? What did they study?

val: val went to umass with bede for like one semester before he dropped out. he was an english major

bede: bachelors in architecture from umass amherst. i haven't decided if she's working on her master's too? maybe?

shoni: double majored in computer software engineering and drama & theater production at NYU

2. Describe one of [x]'s dreams or nightmares.

val: he's got this one nightmare he's had a couple times that's just him lying in his childhood bed, facing the wall, and it's either just after dusk or right before dawn, low light but not entirely dark. he hears the door open and footsteps approach the bed, but he knows he's not allowed to look, so he pretends to be asleep

bede: she has this one nightmare where she's lying on her back on top of a lot of scaffolding in a building that's got this high ceiling like a chapel but crown molding like a family home. the ceiling is sectioned off into religious paintings, and directly above her is one of those obi-wan catholic jesuses. the closer she looks though she realizes that the eyes are cut out like a scooby doo painting and someone is looking at her from the other side. she wakes herself up trying to call out

shoni: she has variations on the same theme of pets or babies being harmed in her care. in one her room is full of cages with little exotic pets, like weird little birds and hedgehogs, and she's trying to check up on them, but whenever she tries to count there's always more. she tries to feed them little treats but they're asleep/nonresponsive

3. Does [x] have any tattoos?

val: nope

bede: yes! she has a wheat stalk on her left forearm, a tiny yin and yang behind her left ear, and a drunk stick and poke on her right thigh from a friend at a frat party that says "BE ERS?"

shoni: nooo but i think she has considered getting a fandom one. like a word in gallifreyan or a quote about the one ring i could see her getting

4. How does [x] most often use expletives?

val: he doesn't like to swear so he'll say stuff like friggin and what the eff and what in the world

bede: just all the time. any mild annoyance is a dumb fucking cunt

shoni: she doesn't swear much, mostly just when she's working on code or drinking

5. Is [x] envious of anyone? Why?

val: the first person that comes to mind is actually bede; as much as he's sort of philosophically opposed to her step-on-everybody attitude he wishes he could be capable and independent like her. when she's at college and he's home he goes through her stuff and gets a little fixated on this idea that her makeup has like, these magic powers that let her be like that

bede: her brothers, mostly, literally just for being born male. in general she's a poor sport about people doing better than her, too

shoni: i think she makes kind of a concerted effort not to get envious of people, but it does really get her to see coworkers and stuff being treated de facto like they're worthy of respect/being listened to where she feels she has to prove it to get the same treatment

6. What does [x] like least about themselves?

val: that he's such a coward

bede: that she's not her dad

shoni: that she's "too much"

7. How would you change [x] for a Victorian AU?

val: god he would fit right in in victorian times. i think if he could hack it victor hugo/charles dickens style and find a newspaper to publish stories he writes he could live in a tiny overcrowded tenement and die of consumption at 30 and it would be not that different from how he lived now

bede: she would probably have arranged married her horrible college bf heath who i haven't posted about here and browbeat him into submission so she could mastermind some kind of scheme in the wings. i know she's intimidating people behind closed doors and putting arsenic in the food of specific guests when they host to try and weasel heath into some kind of magnate/baron position

shoni: she works at the moulin rouge!!! she LOVES CABARET!!!!!!